Wednesday, October 19, 2011

31 Movies of Halloween: Troll 2

Every day this week I've posted a different review of a Horror Movie from my collection. Enjoy


I’m not going to be able to properly explain the plot of this movie because it is the most confusing and contrived plot in cinema history. I’ll sum up the movie like this:

Troll 2 is about Goblins. Josh’s grandfather tells him stories about the Goblins. The Goblins consist of midgets in potato sacks with latex masks, only one with a moveable mouth. Josh and his family go to the town of Nilbog. Turns out Nilbog is Goblin spelled backwards. They kill the Goblins and return home. Suddenly a baseball rolls down the steps that says “mommy” on it. Josh goes upstairs where the shower is running and full of green slime. Josh is attacked by a Goblin. Credits roll.

Troll 2 is the best of the worst in bad cinema. Plan 9 from Outer Space and Robot Monster are classic films on the original “so bad, it’s good” genre, but while those movies are poorly acted, or poorly written or feature an alien that’s just a gorilla costume with a scuba diver mask they at least have a plot that you can follow. Troll 2 has dialogue so bad that it hurts your head, like this dialogue exchange.

Elliot: What’s wrong with having Friends?

Holly: Nothing, as long as you don’t mind being a virgin all your life

It’s movies like Troll 2 and Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 that gives us some of the most infamous Internet memes of all time. It’s these movies that are so bad that we stare at the screen dumb-founded going “why is no one bothers by the green slime on all their food?” or “why is there this dance sequence?”

Bad movies are incredibly addicting but only with a specific crowd. You cannot watch a movie like Troll 2 or Jaws the Revenge by yourself and truly appreciate it. These are the films that you get a group of friends together, a pizza, a case of beers and you just have a blast.

It takes a special type of person to truly appreciate and love these movies, the people who buy every film that Troma has released. It’s those people who remember the days of putting in a full moon pictures vhs, seeing all those trailers for films like Subspecies, Bad Channels and Shrieker or even remember fast-forwarding the closing credits to get to Shadow Zone’s behind the scenes feature. There are movies that the biggest appeal of them is that you spend the whole movie going “there is absolutely no way this script had a second draft”.

As the story goes, Troll 2 was made by a film crew that spoke very little to no English, directing a group of amateur American actors who spoke no Italian. Beyond the inability to communicate the director demanded that they read the script verbatim. Even the star Michael Stephenson says he can’t explain the ending of this movie.

This is a film that has a sex scene with corn on the cob that turns into popcorn when the sex gets steamy. This is a movie where for no explainable reason Josh’s grandfather (who is a ghost) can freeze time (but only for 30 seconds) so that Josh can get rid of the food covered in green slime. So what does Josh do? I mean a normal person would… I don’t know… throw out the food, but not Joshua. He stands on the table, unzips his fly and pees on everything. This of course leads to one of the best lines of dialogue in any film “You can’t Piss on Hospitality, I won’t allow it”.

The film has become a cult classic, it was original an embarrassment to every actor involved. Michael J Nelson (from Mystery science theater 3000) recently filmed a rifftrax for the movie and in Morgan, Utah (where the movie was filmed) they have an event called Nilbog Invasion. All of these things happened under the noses of the writers, directors and actors from the movie. When star Michael Stephenson discovered this cult following he started to document it and show other cast members about it. After 2 years of touring is documentary around film festivals the film finally got picked up by Area 23, so definitely check out Best Worst Movie to truly understand how brilliant this trash cinema is.

When he's not blogging Matt is writing for, producing his own podcast and tweeting all day. So don't forget without money... films like Troll 2 happen.

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