Saturday, July 31, 2010

The Zac Efron Talents

I was re-watching 17 Again the other day and it started to dawn on me that every movie I've seen so far with Zac Efron there's always a scene where he is:
(a) Dances
(b) Plays Basketball
(c) is shirtless
(d) All three at the same time.

This got me wandering if this is part of his film contract. Or perhaps it's one of those things he does because he knows that's the only reason people will see his movies (example: I'll only watch Will Smith movies in which he either says "Aww Hell no" or where he raps the closing credits song). It would make sense to me, I mean he's a pretty good actor and all but clearly basketball, dancing and being shirtless are his talents.

(you might argue being shirtless isn't a talent to those of you who think that I present you exhibit A)

what's depressing to me is that if I were to fill my contract with things that I was talented at it'd be:
(a) Masturbation
(b) going to the bathroom
(c) Making Mac & Cheese
(d) All Three at Once

Friday, July 30, 2010

Coming to DVD in August!

Every Tuesday new DVDs come out; but sometimes the big titles like Kick-Ass over-shadow the smaller films; here's what you should keep your eyes open for this month!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Mayhem Baby

While I was in Comic Con I talked about the video of Tyrese Gibson that was a giant ball of crazy... well the video is online now

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

6 for $30

The Monday after Comic Con is mostly designed to be spent laid back and relaxed. For that reason Jonathan and I decided to run some errands. I was barely hanging on to life throughout it, but Will K took me to a place called Amoeba Records where I spent $30 on 6 CDs (which will be where I drop my cash when I move here).

If your curious the purchases were The Beatles: Help!, The Dandy Warhols: Dandys Rule, OK?, Modest Mouse: A Long Road..., Nine Inch Nails: The Downward Spiral, No Doubt: Return from Saturn, Sigur Ros: Ágætis byrjun

Today I will be at the Airport for the entire day, so this is the end of my LA trip coverage. I'll be back in a few days with more ridiculous little paragraphs

Monday, July 26, 2010

Poke the Banner, get the Hulk

So comic con is officially over. Sunday was a shorter day, the highlights were filming the Geekscape Episode and the SAM (super action man) special, both which will be up shortly (i'll be short to send links). I do however want to focus on something ELSE.

Saturday afternoon there was a stabbing in Hall H of the convention center where Comic Con takes place. It happened during a panel for the new Resident Evil game. I made a lot of friends out here, one of which is Brian Walton. He's a very friendly guy, but can sometimes have a slightly short fuse. After the stabbing, he got text messages from his friends and family asking if he did the stabbing. We all had a few laughs. I stopped laughing however when I started getting text messages from MY friends and family. Who wanted to know if I got stabbed.

WTFuck friends! Do I really come off as a victim THAT MUCH! I'll tell you this much, the aggressor... (who stabbed the guy in the face (near the eye) with a fucking pen!) was dressed like Harry Potter. I'm willing to beat he was always seen as the victim too! But sometimes bruce banner can't take it and he becomes the hulk! So stop texting me that, it's making me angry... and you wouldnt like me when I'm angry!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Chewbacca will Fuck

I got to sleep on a bed last night. It didn't really change much of the sleep ability. I woke up early and quickly got ready for a very busy day.

The first group of people to visit us was hand down my favorite group. They were a small new web series called "First Edition". It's like the Guild but with comics. I helped them out by handing out flyers and screaming such things as "First Edition: it's not directed by M. Night Shamalyan" and "First Edition: Funnier than Avatar". It seems that my random catchphrase made the writers and crew laugh. Afterwards they asked me if I was planning to move to LA because they want me to be apart of the show, to what extent I will say when it happens, but for now, I'm just going to say this. My planned move to LA has been moved up from August to January (so long as I can afford it).

We had equally awesome signers ranging from Wrestler Paul London, Tommy Wisseu, the animators for Metalacolypse & Venture Brothers, among other guests. The star of the show came when Porn Star Evan Stone & Director of Batman XXX Axel Bruan came and pissed off half the people and made others love us. At our booth we also announced the next project will be the most expensive porno ever made "Star Wars XXX in 3D". According to the Director... "yes, chewbacca will fuck"

After wards we went to dinner with and came back to the hotel room where Jonathan asked me to shave his back... no lie... man, starting to rethink this move to LA.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Mayhem baby it starts from the Baby

Day 2 there's not much to report. I spent the whole day at the booth but I did end up hanging out with the creators and actors of the fan film Batman: City of Scars. They were pretty cool, the movie was extremely well made and the actor who played Joker is apparently up for a role in Toxic Avenger V.

The following group were the writer and artist for hack/slash. They were really nice and funny guys. Definitely check out their comics. They were followed by Ivan Brandon from Image who was a cool but quiet guy & the creators of DangerKatt who was the coolest and nicest dudes ever.

We met a lot of cool people that just came to the booth including two guys who made a series of short films featuring Neil Patrick Harris, Penn & Teller as well as Kirk Cameron. I'll have their website up some time later.

I will vent that I'm doing a pretty decent job saving cash here by spending it wisely, except for one mistake, today I just couldn't deal with wandering the streets of San Diego looking for cheap food, so I paid for it in the convention center. A simple cheeseburger, french fries and soda cost me the same as all my food yesterday combined.

We also got an epic clip from Tyrese. Seriously funniest nonsense you'll ever see of a man promoting the comic Mayhem. As soon as I get the video online, that shits going up.

Friday, July 23, 2010

She puts on her make-up

Going to sleep last night was like trying to sleep through a comedians of comedy set. Every person in this hotel room (btw, there's 9 of us in one room) are so fucking funny. It was a burn-fest for at least an hour. Regardless, we fell asleep despite Jonathan constantly singing "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton.

At 630 I (and mostly everyone else) woke up. I quickly showered and then Jonathan and I went to subway for a quick breakfast and then set up the booth. It was a busy day tonight full of pushing Comic on Comics Live. I took a quick break to purchase "The Lost Skeleton Returns Again", which William Bibbiani was kind enough to get signed for me later on.

After a little more of trying to build a crowd for the Comics on Comics Panel, I was asked by Gilmore if I'd want to interview Horror director Adam Greene about the movie "Frozen", based on the fact that I think Hatchet and Spiral are two of the best horror movies of the decade, I obviously said "absolutely". The interview went really well and then finally I was able to get lunch (2 slices of pizza).

When I returned former porn-star turned D&D Reality show creator Saltine Phoenix was at the booth just hanging out. She was extremely funny and nice. we didn't talk much but she's very energetic and reminded me of a few of my friends from Penn State. Jonathan left at 630 to set up for the Comics on Comics Live while I closed down the booth.

The comics on comics panel went AMAZINGLY, we had 2 voice actors from Metaloclypse & Venture Brothers, a voice actor from Family Guy, a British guy who runs a blog, and one of the writers of Lost. It went so well, it was great seeing so many people that I had remembered handing flyers too.

We stopped at Wendys for a quick dinner and now we're crashing.

I would like to quickly talk about how i was reportedly going to hell for attending comic con if you were to ask a specific church (that could only wrangle about... 4 attendees), oh well.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

It's much hotter that way

Last night we crashed at our friend Zack’s house (as I stated when I last blogged). First thing I forgot to say was how AWESOME Zack’s place is. He lives in an apartment in San Diego that used to be a Hotel in the 70s. It looks like the fucking Shining it was awesome.

Anyway, Jonathan and I quickly wrote up some stuff for the site and then went to bed. About an hour later, a very loud and painful fire alarm went off. Jonatahn properly described it as “the sound of death”. That went for about 30 minutes (no fire, just a retard pulling the alarm).

This morning we woke up and got some breakfast (way too expensive for this particular trip, gotta find a cheaper breakfast place) and then put some final touches on the booth. Actor Tim Jennings arrived and tried on the homemade Metroid outfit and we shot the first episode of Jonathan’s new web series. I play a small speaking role (expect video links when it goes live) that hopefully will expand one day into my own character next year when I move out here.

I quickly ran to Subway to get food and returned to watch the booth and flirt with the adorable (but not to be trusted) booth girls at Film School Confidential. Finally, the time had come for the doors to open; it was glorious. I have no clue how many Geekscape Postcards I handed out, conversations I had started and shirts we sold, but it was an intense 3 hours. We stopped to finish the short and I got to film my line (which made the director and camera man laugh so I must have done something right) and went right back to handing out postcards and talking to people.

After a hard days work the whole gang went to Dick’s Last Resort Bar. While it’s the general theme of the restaurant, I still found it to be the most obnoxious place I’ve ever gone for food. Afterwards Walton, Ben, Jonathan and I went to the hotel and we’re going to swimming so I shall be signing out.

Tomorrow I will be dropping some serious Jacksons at the Full Moon Pictures booth.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Goose Vain Sant presents...

I woke up this morning and quickly packed up my shit into Jonathan's car. We left LA for San Diego at 7am. After about an hour of driving we hit a Denny's for some breakfast. I've concluded the "Make your own Grand Slam" meal for $5 is a god-send. That being said, was annoyed they apparently confused Pancakes for hash browns... but hey it happens.

During the drive I pitched a monthly web-show in which people recreate shot by shot unimportant movie sequence. Almost like a particular award-winning director did in 1998 to a Hitchcock classic, for anonymity's sake we'll call him Goose Vain Sant. He seemed to like the idea so hopefully that will be coming sooner than later.

We got to Diego around 11 am and got hard at work putting the merch table together. We took a break to get pizza. In the end it looks pretty bad ass.

Afterwards we met Jake108 and his Girlfriend Kelsie for some food. I had the spiciest burger I've ever consumed and then we met up with the ever helpful Zack H, who allowed us crash at his house. Many thank yous to Zack. Now it's time to sleep for a busy Preview Night tomorrow. Signing off here's a picture of me counting shirts.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I Am Metroid

I woke up this morning and was immediately picked up by the legendary Geekscape host and founder Jonathan London. We cleaned out is old apartment, changed a break-light, we got our breakfast at Subway (I highly recommended the sunrise sandwich). I visited the lost remeans of the old Geekscape set.

We went and pick up postcard and made an amazing metroid costume. I wont' show the full glory but here's a little peak!

Afterwards I had some awesome Greek food (first time ever eating it). And now I'm currently at a Scott Pilgrim release party before going to bed to leave for Comic-Con. I'll post a much more detailed list.

Monday, July 19, 2010

A staggering Genius of Heartbreaking Work

Jetlag is a pain in the ass. I woke up at 5:30 based on the fact that my body thinks that it’s roughly 8:30am. I took some time to read David Eggers “A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius” waiting until it to be 9. I slept on an incredibly comfortable couch.

Finally WillK and his g/f woke up and we went to see Inception. The movie is amazing. It’s very much like if The Matrix & Ocean’s 11 were in a giant gang-bang and gave birth to this amazingly fun heist film through the human subconscious. I’d like to point out that I would move to LA if for no other reason than their movie theaters. I’ve never sat in such a comfortable and spacious seat in all my life. It even reclined a bit! It was awesome! The only thing more awesome were the Tito’s Tacos which I had for lunch afterwards.

The rest of the day was pretty chill. Will showed me some episodes of Viva Variety and Chris Elliots Get a Life which were inspirationally bizaare. We made Steaks and now I think I’m going to call it a night; but starting tomorrow until Sunday it’s going to be craziness so expect some fun posts.

Oh a side note: I've also posted a mix for the month of July and on Ranker I've explained to the world what are the 10 cover songs that managed to Surpass the originals!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

I hopped... well slowly walked off the plane at LAX

I’m currently sitting on the couch of the very generous WillK. Will helped created the CGI Chipmunks in Alvin & the Chipmunks the movie… and even worked on the SQUEAKUAL! How exciting! I should pitch to him my idea for the 3rd movie being called “The Alvin and the Chipmunks Squealogy”. Anyway, Will lives in Culver City, CA which is my way of saying… I’ve made it here safely!

But man was it a long trip! I woke up at the crack of 10am! By 11am I was on the road driving to BWI. There’s a long complicated story to me leaving from Baltimore instead of Philadelphia but I’ll say short version is that it was $50 cheaper on the tickets (which would be much more rewarding if I wasn’t spending $88 for parking at the BWI Airport!)

I’m always a pretty paranoid person so I arrived at the Airport at 1pm (my flight was at 4:15). I waited for 3 hours and in that time I read the entire novel “A Clockwork Orange” by Anthony Burgees. I think I understood it, but was disappointed at the lack of “Singing in the Rain” in the novelization (Movies Lie!)

I then sat in a plane from 415 Eastern Time till 820 Western Time… which is basically 415-1120 in my brain (yay Jetlag!). I sat in the first row of 3 empty seats I could find and waited to see who would be entertaining me for 7ish hours. The answer… an elderly couple. This meant I’d be reading A LOT of my 2nd book for the flight “A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius” by David Eggers.

At least that was the goal, but I surrounded by loud, crying mutant babies. Seriously, one baby looked like the Aliens from Galaxy Quest that lived on that Rock planet.

Anyway the plane landed at LAX ahead of schedule, where the ever so graceful and friendly WillK picked me up. Sadly there was no Jay-Z song on, so I did not feel the need to put my hands up, instead I just settled for Will’s offer to take me to In-N-Out Burger. Must say; that is a damn good burger!

Anyway, the clock on Will’s wall says 10:30pm but the clock on my laptop says 1:30am… so I’m going to call it a night I think. Wireless here isn’t working for some reason for me, so I’ll be documenting everything in a Word file until I can post it on my blog!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

CA Trip Begins in a few hours

So it's 1am right now. I finished packing my shit, 12 days worth of clothes in one carry on case (a feat most of my family thought was impossible) and now i just need to go to sleep, but I'm wired and watching a documentary on Five Iron Frenzy that's completly keeping my attention.

My goal is to finish reading "In Cold Blood" by Truman Capote before I leave. Tomorrow will be almost certainly lots of driving and airports until I land in LAX at 8:15 (or 11:15 my time) and who knows what happens then.

I will try my best to update with exciting things (if they occur) whenever I have wifi (if ever).

That being said though, highly recommend checking out "Rise & Fall of Five Iron Frenzy"

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Matthew Kelly in the Web this week!

So I'd like to draw your attention to the fact that I have another ranker list up! This week's list is covering a very important social situation. For once and all I have put an end to the on going debate of who was the hottest foreign exchange student!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Rooting for the Losing Team

So the other day I was reading my favorite website Geekscape and I came upon this fantastic article about Team Edward/Team Jacob (to be read here) but it dawned on me that I don't understand being part of Team Jacob.

I've read the first Twilight book and i've never seen the movies or anything, but I've been told about pieces of it. What I fail to understand is that... Bella ends up with Edward, you know this, I know this... we all know this! Why are people on Team Jacob? This isn't like cheering for the Underdog to pull a surprise win. This is just supporting a failure, it's like watching Titanic and being Team "make it to New York". Sorry, but the boat is still going to fucking sink.

I've never been one for cheering for sports teams, or any teams really, so perhaps that's why I don't understand it. I just feel like people on Team Jacob just sorta pity him... sorta like that really nice guy who just never fully succeeds in getting the girl... it's like Team Duckie. And as I've stated in my past essay It's Sucky being Duckie... I am Duckie... so I guess in theory I'm Jacob. Perhaps I just don't understand people rooting for me.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

How I spent my Mountain Vacation

Angela: you're a frigging bad ass

Matt Kelly: seriously I killed a bear with my bare hands

Angela: oooooooooh manly

Matt Kelly: then I used he bears teeth to create a glove and punched the shit out of some sharks

Angela: sharks in the poconos...?

Matt Kelly: fucking global warming

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Could the Fright Night Remake Be Good?

Remakes are generally looked down upon. That's understandable, but in my newest editoral on Geekscape I explain why this particular remake won't be nearly as doomed as the remakes of recent years.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

A Prologue to a Novel

“Do you feel nervous?” she asked.

“No” I lie as I nervously struggle to tear open the condom in my hands. Of course I’m nervous, but pride or machismo forces me to lie. Why wouldn’t I be nervous, I’m about to have sex with my best friend.

She notices my struggling and informs me that I don’t need to use a condom with her. Of course I do, with a girl in her line of work, you can never be too safe, I lie again however and say that I don’t want to risk getting her pregnant. She smiles a sad little smile which informs me that she definitely saw through the lie, but appreciates me not verbally saying my real reason.

Minutes later she is on top of me. Our affair has official begun. This is the first time in 15 years of friendship that we have shared a moment this intimate. Speaking from the future I know that it’s was far from the last time. Which was actually earlier today. The nervousness has faded, but we still never fuck without a condom, but now it really is out of fear of getting her pregnant. This however, isn’t important information.

This first time, after so many years of longing, is not a very pleasurable experience. I spent the first five minutes of the activity trying to calculate how long it had been since I had last had sex, how many sex partners I’d had before hand, how long I’d known Kar and how long I’d waited for this very moment (2 years, 3 months, 2 weeks and 1 day; 6; 15; 14).

The second half of our recreational activity I spend thinking about how this came to be. How did an unemployed failure like myself end up with someone as beautiful as Kar; free of charge (I hope). Life is funny, but sometimes that alone isn’t interesting enough. I can retell the events in perfect detail, and regardless; this ending still doesn’t make sense; but that’s life I suppose. But that’s beside the point.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Top 10 List on ranker

Okay so I've composed a new list for

This particular list is a subject that's very close to my heart... the top 10 movies most unfairly crapped on.

So how's about giving it a read?!

I have an opening preface to a novel idea that I'll be posting tomorrow afternoon.