“Do you feel nervous?” she asked.
“No” I lie as I nervously struggle to tear open the condom in my hands. Of course I’m nervous, but pride or machismo forces me to lie. Why wouldn’t I be nervous, I’m about to have sex with my best friend.
She notices my struggling and informs me that I don’t need to use a condom with her. Of course I do, with a girl in her line of work, you can never be too safe, I lie again however and say that I don’t want to risk getting her pregnant. She smiles a sad little smile which informs me that she definitely saw through the lie, but appreciates me not verbally saying my real reason.
Minutes later she is on top of me. Our affair has official begun. This is the first time in 15 years of friendship that we have shared a moment this intimate. Speaking from the future I know that it’s was far from the last time. Which was actually earlier today. The nervousness has faded, but we still never fuck without a condom, but now it really is out of fear of getting her pregnant. This however, isn’t important information.
This first time, after so many years of longing, is not a very pleasurable experience. I spent the first five minutes of the activity trying to calculate how long it had been since I had last had sex, how many sex partners I’d had before hand, how long I’d known Kar and how long I’d waited for this very moment (2 years, 3 months, 2 weeks and 1 day; 6; 15; 14).
The second half of our recreational activity I spend thinking about how this came to be. How did an unemployed failure like myself end up with someone as beautiful as Kar; free of charge (I hope). Life is funny, but sometimes that alone isn’t interesting enough. I can retell the events in perfect detail, and regardless; this ending still doesn’t make sense; but that’s life I suppose. But that’s beside the point.