Monday, November 22, 2010

Impossibly Bad Movies That I Love

Every once and a while I will watch a movie and I know it's bad. Critics hate it; most sensible people hate it; these films are so bad that they don't even have "ironic" cult followings, they're just generally considered garbage by any and everyone. But I have them on DVD without shame. Not shockingly they're all Horror movies; I want to draw attention to a five of these films:

American Psycho 2 - American Psycho is a brilliant novel by Bret Easton Ellis; despite the fact that director and writer of the film adaptation completely missed the point of the novel they were able to make a really good horror/thriller. *SPOILERS GALORE HERE* The Book implies that the murders all take place inside Patrick Bateman's head. The writer/director believes that Bateman DID murder the people but still left it slightly open-ended so if you wanted to, you could decide that he made it all up in his head. However this sequel tells the story about how a 10 year old girl managed to escape and murder Patrick Bateman when he was trying to kill her and her babysitter. *SPOILERS OVER* Now we follow this girl (Mila Kunos) as she murders most of her class mates in order to be the Teaching Assistant for her professor (Wiilliam Shatner). The film is complete garbage but I've watched this pile of shit at least 10 times; Is it William Shatner's over-acting? Mila Kunos Hot body? It's possible, it's certainly not for the script-writing or cinematography.

An American Werewolf in Paris - I can defend this pseduo-remake/sequel. It was one of the first horror movies I ever saw (just behind Frightners & Scream). I love this movie despite knowing it could have been even better. Tom Stern (writer/director of Freaked, the most under-appreciated movie of all time) was originally lined up to write and direct the film as a tongue-in-cheek horror/comedy, however after Fox hated Freaked he was fired from the film. To add insult to injury they still listed him as the writer of this movie despite not a single line of his original dialogue appearing in script. The film now shamelessly tries to be OVERLY extreme with "Bungee-Jumping" off the Effiel Tower (done extremely straight). Regardless I find the film charming and the characters extremely likable and it remains in my top 100 favorite films of all time despite all it's flaws.

Black X-mas - This movie should have been the worst remake of all time; but it's not. It is a remake of Black Christmas, one of the original slasher films (John Carpenter's Halloween was originally conceived as a sequel to it). The remake does a lot more wrong than it does right, but I think people had too high expectations for this film. I'd love to sit down and talk to the writers and director. I sincerely believe the film went the Sleepaway Camp route and aimed to just make the most over-the-top and bizarre death scenes ever. This is a film were a man gets stabbed to death by a Candy cane, another person decapitated by a Ice-Skate. Our killers origin story involves killing his family and cutting them into cookies and baking them. Stupid? Dumb? Yes, maybe... but I can't remember many other times I had more fun watching a movie in a theater (yes I saw this in theaters)

Dead Silence - There's not much to say about this one. I hate the Saw movies so I expected this film to be awful. Regardless I enjoyed it, I loved the completely ridiculous and impossible twist ending and let's face it...ventriloquist dummies are terrifying. I will say that this movie doesn't come close to being as great as Magic.

Jaws 3 - This is not me defending this film because it's still better than Jaws: The Revenge. This is me sincerely defending a movie considered one of the worst of all time. When I was a kid, my cousin and I used to spend a week at my grandfather's house. We'd play outside and at night watch movies. It was here that I discovered some of my favorite movies (including Alligator and the previously mentioned Freaked) but every single summer we'd watch the entire Jaws series, I learned to love the movies crap-tacular charm (yes even in Revenge), every single time I watch this movie I desperately wish that I could see the film in 3-D as it was filmed to be seen.

So I've said my peace, I don't expect any of my readers will jump to my defense on these films and I don't blame them. Regardless I still love these movies.

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