So this weekend I was planning to post a link to a podcast I had produced with a few friends called Undercover Geek. The episode was shot at Wizard World Philadelphia and it would have been part of a 3 part series of interviews with COS-players. It clocked in at just under 22 minutes but alas the website that was going to host it backed out last second. I'm going to try to find a new host or host it myself in the coming weeks so that y'all can view it. Now why did this evil giant conglomeration decide that no one deserved a chance to see Undercover geek? Well... I'll tell you in a script!
Script inspired by real events. The actual dialogue is one hundred percent fictional. The dialogue is completely bias, one sided and written to make author Matt Kelly look like a victim... it's also written to be funny so get over yourself if you're offended. Also it's too hard to do this is a proper script format so deal with how it looks. For the sake of anonymity the part of *name not shown* will be listed as ECDB (Evil Corporate Douche Bag)
Matt & ECDB sit at the computer watching Undercover Geek. The Video ends and Matt smiles and looks at ECDB
MATT: So.... what did you think?
ECDB: We can't show this pile of shit to our audience
MATT: Pile of Shit? It's not that ba...
ECDB: There's nothing here Matt! It's 22 minutes of Arie talking to losers in costumes and none of it is funny, well maybe the Mario one was chuckle worthy... but you could have had more fun with it!
MATT: You mean like make fun of the COSplayers? That was the opposite of what we wanted to do! We wanted to hear these people's stories! We think they're extremely nice! I think it's cool that Dr. Horrible is a High School Teacher or that The ?uestion met his girlfriend at another convention. It's human interest!
ECDB: But does it need to be so long?
MATT: It's a podcast!
ECDB: Yes but nobody wants to watch a video for 22 minutes!
MATT: iTunes would disagree!
ECDB: Well that's iTunes. This is a youtube channel. No one wants to watch videos more than a minute.
MATT: Well, Hulu exists strictly because people DID want to watch 22 minute TV shows on youtube!
ECDB: Yes but those were established TV shows, no one goes to youtube for new shows
MATT: They watched The Guild
ECDB: What's that?
MATT: It's a very popular web-series
ECDB: How popular could it be if I've never heard of it, hmmmm?
ECDB: I mean seriously Matt. This is so grainy and low-quality, no one is going to want to watch this!
MATT: Well what about the Numa Numa Guy? Or Afro Ninja? Pretty much every viral video was grainy and low-quality
ECDB: Yes but that was the old, the new generation wants top quality HD videos! if you don't give them that they won't watch! Matt, you don't seem to understand... this company is about bringing instant viral sensations to the internet. I've done studies, they're always short, funny and have a "you gotta see this" quality. You're video lacks all three.
MATT: Maybe we don't want to be a Viral Sensation! Maybe we just want these people's stories to be told! Plus you can't go out there a CREATE a viral sensation. They happen by accident, over long periods of time. That crazy drummer guys video was on youtube for like 4 years before anyone noticed! Why not take a chance and put the video up? If people don't like it they don't like!
ECDB: I know people don't like it. No one would like this garbage.
MATT: Why not give your audience a chance? Let them decide for themselves!
ECDB: Our audience is too stupid to know any better!
ECDB pulls off his face and reveals himself to be Satan himself!
SATAN: MWAHAHAHAHAHA! YOUTUBE HAS BEEN A WONDERFUL TOOL TO LOWER EVERYONE'S INTELLIGENCE MATT! YOU WOULD DARE RUIN ALL MY HARD WORK OF PUTTING "COMEDY" VIDEOS THAT ARE FUNNY TO THE LOWEST AND MOST PATHETIC SENSE OF HUMOR THAT A HUMAN BEING COULD POSSIBLY HAVE WITH YOUR INANE TALKING TO PEOPLE. I'LL NEVER HOST YOUR VIDEO! NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRR
MATT grabs a kitchen knife and stabs Satan in the heart repeatedly until he dies. SATAN then turns back into ECDB
MATT: if you won't host my video, you won't host ANYBODIES video
So yea.... I guess I'm pretty fucking heroic. I killed Satan and buried him in my backyard to give the people of the World the option to see a variety of videos instead of the same one-note nonsense some youtube channels think that you want to see. I'll get hard at work trying to find a place to put the episode up, until then... patience.