Tuesday, October 14, 2014

31 Days of Halloween - Day 14: Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

For the last few years I always do a 31 days of Halloween month. The past few years I re-read all the original Goosebumps books and before that I'd watch 31 horror movies. However I realized every single time I watched 31 Horror movies I exclusively picked ones I enjoyed. I decided to do something slightly different. I composed a list of every horror movie I owned and put them in alphabetical order. Then using a random number generator I generated 31 numbers and watched the movies that corresponded with those numbers. Some are great films and others… well… are less than fun let's say. I hope you enjoy!

Day 14: Nightmare on Elm Street 2010 (Movie #350)

To quote Dr. Sam Beckett… "Oh Boy". This might be my least favorite movie I own, and that is saying a lot as I have over 2,000 DVDs. Also today's my birthday… talk about a shitty birthday gift.

So why do I own it? Good question. I didn't see this in theaters, I ended up seeing it was on sale at Best Buy for $4.99 one day and figured "I'll have to buy it one day" (as I'm a completest with franchises) and figured I'd never see it for cheaper. When this movie was first advertised I actually had high expectations. I liked who they picked as Freddy, I even liked the burn-victim look of him. Also the idea of questioning if he was a child molester or not was intriguing. Plus it's a Freddy movie, even at their worst they are usually pretty entertaining… I was wrong.

There are plenty of websites and articles out there that can go into more details about why this movie is unenjoyable. I'm going to just explain the things that bother me the most.

1) They call into question if he was a Child Molester. This is a great idea. The idea that he was an innocent man burnt alive for a crime he didn't do… it's such a unique twist on the character. It's not just a slasher it's a revenge story. But in the end (spoiler alert) he's just a child molester. We wasted 20-30 minutes of film researching sometime only to find out nothing new has been added to the story at all.

2) The movie recreates moments from the original film except they do it with shitty CGI when the original (and probably cheaper) practical effects were far more effective.

3) There is absolutely no fun in this movie! The reason someone likes Freddy is because in a dream world he can do and become absolutely anything. Jason and Michael will just stab you … but Freddy will become your fear or twist the things you love into your ultimate death. Do you like making puppets? He'll turn your ass into one. Are you terrified of bugs? Prepare to die as a cockroach. Unless you're attacked by this Freddy. In that case he will just slowly walk up to you with his claw glove and stab you. The End.

I actually feel bad hating this movie because the Nightmare films are so strongly a franchise that I love. But these films open so many doors of possibilities but someone (not sure who's to blame, the writer, the director or the producer) decided to ignore and walk past all those doors and go for the blandest interruption. 

But I'm a completest so I refuse to sell my copy of this. So I have no one to blame for myself that I had to sit through this again. 

Matt Kelly is the host of the popular podcast The Saint Mort Show, a frequent contributor to Geekscape.net, the founder of Chords for Cures and the co-writer/co-director of the upcoming comedy Describing the Moon. He also loves it when people surprise him with purchases from his Amazon Wishlist… just saying.

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