Thursday, June 2, 2011

Matt Kelly's Last Month in PA Volume 2

June 2nd

Last Night I had my first ever Panic Attack. I became convinced that no matter what I did I was going to die this weekend and if I didn't than LA would be terrible and I'd starve to death and die alone. This can only be attributed to the fact that I officially paid the deposit on my apartment in LA and am now freaking out. It wasn't until I splashed water on my face and took some deep breaths that I was able to calm down enough to sleep.

I finished reading the book "Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time" which started off quite fascinating but then sort of over stayed it welcome a few chapters. I still highly recommend the book. It's written from the perspective of a 15 year old who has what could be either autism or aspergers. Throughout the book he tries to solve the mystery of who murdered his next door neighbor's poodle.

I started rewatching Arrested Development (Jesus Michael Cera had so much baby fat that first season) and then I picked up Ed and drove up to the mountain house to have a star wars marathon. This only lasted A New Hope and 32 minutes into Empire Strikes Back until Ed fell asleep. I will eventually post photos of the weekend.


It seems that no matter what is stressing you, it seems like you have to take a breath and relax. Life is hard and sometimes it feels like settling is the easiest option, but it's always the option that will make you the least happy. My options are follow my dream in LA and risk failure; or find a new job in PA and fail automatically. I worry about not finding love, or happiness. I grow concerned that if I move someone I love will die suddenly before i can say goodbye. But if I stayed in PA I'd risk those exact same things. The only difference is location. If it doesn't work and I'm unhappy... I can come home... but I can't come home, unless I leave first. People ask me why I'm doing this, specifically since I keep getting so scared about it, but the answer is obvious... I'm doing it for me.

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