and a season for change

It's incredible how the holidays can make some people (ie: Myself) become very emotional and reflective. I spend roughly 8 or 9 hours with my family for Thanksgiving and it leads to me running back to my blog that hasn't been touched since July. Is this a return to form? Not likely, it's simply me finally having something to say. Much has happened over roughly 6 months of time. I've made new friends, made plans of the future, made DVD purchases and started new jobs. I've even witness some major celebrities die. This is about death and influence.

This thanksgiving I was on the verge of crying at least three different times. All three of those times were due to some form of death be it real or fictional people. All of these incidents were related to Television and movies which is sad. I almost feel like Peter Sellers in Being There. The first incident was during my breakfast with the family, we finished up and I was helping my mom clean the table. While I cleaned I told her all about the film Up. Without even watching the movie but simply reflecting on the first 15 minutes I got teary-eyed. When I spoke of the undying love that Carl had for Ellie, I couldn't help but wish for a similar love to enter my life. Someone whom I've described in a previous blog about Before Sunset. I know that I won't be alone forever, but with every passing day the patience to wait for someone to love gets harder and harder.

Shortly after cleaning the dishes my mother wanted to watch the Sesame Street: 40 years of Sunny Days DVD that I had recently purchased. I told her i consider it to be the greatest DVD in my DVD collection. (For those of you curious the rest of the top 10 goes: 2. Clerks X, 3. The Muppet Show: Season 1, 4. Kaiju Big Battle Volume 1, 5. Marx Brothers: Silver Screen Collection, 6. The State: The Complete Series, 7. Monster Squad, 8. Tenacious D: Complete Masterworks Volume 1, 9. Monty Python & the Holy Grail, 10. Undeclared: the Complete Series) There is a segment on the DVD that has made me cry every single time I've seen it, it's the infamous sequence in which Big Bird discovers that Sesame Street resident Mr. Hooper has died. What makes the scene all the more emotionally heart-wrenching is the fact that the actor who played Mr. Hooper really had died and the cast members who are speaking about him are clearly emotional over the lose of their very good and close friend/co-worker.  This to me also shows the brilliance behind a man like Jim Henson. He gave us incredibly realistic characters out of nothing more than clothe. I think every person can relate to the Muppets in some way and in most cases everyone can be compared to at least one Muppet. That however is an essay for another day.

Finally I got my grandmother's house where I had some lunch, afterwards I went down in the basement where my family was watching television. As they flipped through the channels I realized something very strange. Almost every channel seemed to be playing a John Hughes movie. Uncle Buck was on one channel, Planes, Trains & Automobiles on another channel, a Home Alone Marathon on FX. This was all the more upsetting because John Hughes death this fall was the first time that I've gotten upset at the loss of a celebrity in years. There are three speeches or dialogue exchanges from the three movies that I named that truly showed the brilliance beauty behind John Hughes that will make his death all the more upsetting to me.

Uncle Buck

"I don't think I want to know a six-year-old who isn't a dreamer, or a sillyheart. And I sure don't want to know one who takes their student career seriously. I don't have a college degree. I don't even have a job. But I know a good kid when I see one. Because they're ALL good kids, until dried-out, brain-dead skags like you drag them down and convince them they're no good. You so much as scowl at my niece, or any other kid in this school, and I hear about it, and I'm coming looking for you!"

What's not to love about this comment. So many times in my life I've felt like teachers and other adults have looked down at me and my friends for still believing in ourselves. We allow ourselves to work terrible jobs just so we can spend the weekends writing, drawing and filming all hoping to one day be something important. John Hughes knew the importance of that and saw the way that some people see being a "day-dreamer" and "having an active imagination" as being a "bad kid".

Planes, Trains & Automobiles

"You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right, I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you... but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me; I'm not changing. I like... I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get"

I don't know if it's the dialogue, John Candy's delivery or a combination of the both but this is my all-time favorite moment in a movie. In my life (and I'm sure everyone else's) we've found people who are so unhappy and negative. As often as I get depressed or upset sometimes, I still try to be a caring and understanding individual. So many times I've thought this speech in my head when dealing with people who seem to hate everyone and everything. John Hughes always did love the types of outcasts that the rest of the world turned their shoulder on and nothing speaks that better than this monologue.

Home Alone

To write everything that is said in the scene I want to cover would take up fair too much space. It's close enough to christmas for you to pop your copy of Home Alone in (come on, you know you own it and if you don't what the hell are you doing!?) and watch it. The scene that touched me is the scene where Marley (Kevin's creepy neighbor) and Kevin are talking in the church. Marley opens up about not having seen his son in years and being afraid to call him and apologize and with the complete innocence of an 8-year old Kevin simply suggests that he try it anyway. 

John Hughes loved children. It was clear in everything he wrote. Almost every movie was a love letter to kids from 8 to 18. Home Alone shows his understanding of childhood innocence better than any film before it or after it.

It's now 7PM on Thanksgiving night, I have to work Black Friday tomorrow but I don't care because I am now... officially in the Christmas Spirit.

I Now Pronounce you... a disaster

Fourth of  July, it's a time for fireworks, Barbecues and times with your family... that is, unless you're me. I was asked to DJ a wedding in Doylestown (roughly an hour drive from my house). This wedding was all different shades of a disaster, and here's a list of reasons why (some avoidable, some unavoidable, some just plain based on crappy personalities) Let's begin with the major problem:

1) Don't EVER have your Reception outside: While it seems to be every one's dream to have an outdoor wedding, most people know that outdoor receptions are a little rougher. In fact, a lot of places will straight up refuse to deal with outdoor receptions because they know its a disaster waiting to happen. The wedding that I DJ-ed was in an uncle's backyard (granted he had A LOT of property), throughout the wedding wind would kick up and blow over the potted plants on the tables causing the water inside the vase to spill everywhere on the table and on guests laps and plates of food.

2) DON'T put your DJ is a FUCKING GARAGE!: My set up that I brought to this show was HUGE. A sound board with 4 CD players built into it, four speakers, 3 CD books and a 4-light system ran through a switchboard. What did they give me? A Table for tailgating and shoved me in their garage. Know what happens when you have that much power running in a small space? Circuit breakers tend to get over-ride and shut off the power. Guess when that happened... DURING THEIR FIRST DANCE AS A COUPLE!

3) If you're 20+ and still act like a college frat house bro you're NOT allowed to be married: This wedding was like watching every hated character from every Teen Flick and College film gathered in one group. The wedding party was the Alpha-Betas, Mike Dexter and Omega Thea Pi hanging out together, but when that modern twist. The Men in the party wore khaki pants, untucked white collared shirts and gray flip-flops, the women at the party wore flip flops as well, during the reception they walked around with a bucket of flip-flops to hand out to EVERYONE who attended (except that DJ, but he was super hetero so he didn't care). The Drunker they got the more retarded they became. There's a scene in the movie Whatever it Takes where two of the Jock characters throw fireworks at a girls feet in the middle of a party just to laugh at them and end up getting with the girls, I always believed this was just a movie, until I witness that EXACT FUCKING THING HAPPEN! Not only did they throw fireworks a girl while she was dancing, she and her friends called them both assholes and ended up making out with them a few minutes later. I really knew they were douche when they asked me to play Journey, Big and Rich and Toby Keith MULTIPLE times... Which leads me too.

4) If you're a Country fan, and so is EVERYONE in your family tree, you should TELL THE DJ THAT: Most DJ's, tend to make their money doing high school and college events or bar gigs. These events tend to involve playing mostly the "big hits of today". Now every DJ is always has the "classic" party songs (90's rap, disco, line-dances, etc), but there's one genre that most DJ's don't carry much of, Country. Unless it's one of the biggest country songs out there ("Save a Horse - Big & Rich", "Amazed - Lonestar", etc) DJ's aren't very well supplied in that genre. If you don't tell the DJ that he needs country (and giving specific songs would be even MORE amazing) then don't yell at him when he DOESN'T have the music your guests request. In fact when I did my friend Mark and Laura's wedding they specifically sent me a list of 100 songs not necessarily to play but to be a GUIDELINE to what I should have with me.

I can't put a number down for this one, but if you read that list, you'll see how this wedding went DJ wise, after the Journey and Big & Rich the people were on the dance floor. I was suppose to wrap it all up at 10. The last song I was suppose to play was You and Me by Lifehouse. I started playing the song and packed up the microphone and everything else and I look up to see the bride, not dancing with her husband, but crying uncontrollably, I was asked to please fade the music out because the Bride's grandfather died on the way home. This is not funny, it's actually very upsetting, specifically to me... up until this point I had a pretty awesome stand-up routine based around this event. 

Scrubbing the Surface

A week ago, my favorite show of all time Scrubs had a finale. Was it a SERIES finale or  just a Season Finale nobody seems to know. I do know this much, if there is a new season of this show, I'm going to be EXTREMELY angrily. I faithfully have followed this show for roughly 4 years.

It started in 2004 when I first saw Garden State which was despite the fact that the "quality" of the movie is constantly debatable, it had a huge impact on my life. At that point in 2004, I was Andrew Largeman. I was getting ready for college and I had no clue what do with my life and my relationship with my family wasn't the strongest in the world (it's funny how some things don't change much).  I knew that the movie was starring, written and directed by this guy Zach Braff that was only really known for some hospital show Scrubs. At the time I worked at an old folks home in the cafe with a man named James (who I still would rank as one of the best - if not the- best bosses I've ever had). He was a huge fan of Scrubs and constantly told me that i reminded him of the main character J.D. (he was the first in a long line of people to do so).

My freshmen year of college I got a netflix account and put this Scrubs show on my queue. I remember chuckling a little bit during the first two episodes. But then came an episode called My Old Lady this episode is not only my favorite episode of the show but it's also one of the only things that will make me cry EVERY TIME I WATCH IT. There was a piece of me that realized that I really WAS J.D. and that what this dying lady was telling him to do was what I SHOULD BE DOING. Beyond that she reminded me alot of my grandfather and what it was like to watch him except death so positively.

I immediately went out and purchased the first 2 seasons on DVD and made many of my friends and family members watch it. As college continued I got more and more "J.D. comparisons". Whenever a new season came out I'd call out of work or skip classes or whatever I needed to do and bought the season and gathered with friends to watch it together. There were lots of laughs and occasionally misty eyes. We'd gather and watch the new episodes as they aired on NBC and constantly tried to figure out how the show was going to end.

When the show moved to ABC we prepared for what was suppose to be the last season, but was definitely Bill Lawrence (the show's creator) and Zach Braff's last season. I've never been so committed to following a TV series as I was with Scrubs specifically in this final season. As we get to the conclusion of this series we see our hero J.D. getting ready to move on with his life. He's got his girlfriend Elliot (who we were promised he'd never end up with on various commentary tracks), a new job and a new home located closer to his son. The Finale takes place on J.D.'s last day at work and he desperately wants a memorable send off which Elliot and Turk provide. However, Dr. Cox the man who J.D. has desperately wanted the love and affection of will not acknowledge this departure as significant in any way, shape or form. 

J.D. finally tricks Dr. Cox into finally expressing his true emotions and while it was a humorous moment, that's when the "choking up" offically began for me. J.D. turns around the corner where he's greeted (in his head) by anyone that ever had anything to do with the show including various characters who died. One of these characters is the women from My Old Lady just seeing her and hearing her ask "Did you ever get to go on that picnic" began the waterworks for me. We conclude with J.D. looking at an imaginary movie screen (created by the 'Goodbye J.D.' sign that his best friend Turk has hung up) and to the PERFECT music choice of The Book of Love by Peter Gabriel, J.D. imagines his future. Marrying Elliot, her having a baby, his son and Turk's daughter getting married and him living happily ever after. As J.D. walks past a Janitor (played by Bill Lawrence in a simple by symbolic cameo) who's throwing out the Goodbye J.D. sign he thinks "why can't, just this once, my fantasy be a reality."

I'm going to miss this show and it's impact. But this is the way it MUST end. To continue it would be a great injustice to the show and it's fans. What's been bothering me is that every time I watch this episode, I still get upset. It's because this episode has shown me how much like J.D. I truly am (or rather have become). I've lived in a lifestyle where my family isn't very open about their emotions and my friends are even more shut off. I have never, ever imagined that a TV show would have this much of an impact on me and even furthermore, show me a side of myself that I didn't know I had.

While I sit in my bed still bitter about a break up that happened months ago, I'm watching my friends moving on with their lives. They're getting married, having kids and careers. I'm constantly afraid of being forgotten. In fact the only fear I have is that one day I'm going to die and not a single person will notice that I'm gone. 

I've also realized that over the last few weeks/months. I've spent a large bulk of my time as a comforter to my friends. I've helped them through break ups, stress and even helped someone I hardly knew get a new job (meanwhile I still remain unemployed). I don't know why I do these things. I don't think that I should be applauded or patted on the back for helping people. It seems silly really. Anyone can help a friend and most people do. But it seems like when I meet people, they instant take trust in me. I don't know why this is. But I hope to God that if nothing else, when I die (be it tomorrow or 50 years from now), people will say that I loved people. 

The Beautiful night in Paris I never had

About two years after seeing the original I've finally gotten around to seeing Before Sunset the sequel to Before Sunrise which is one of the most beautiful and romantic movies ever made. While watching this movie I was struck with the sudden realization that while I have crushes galore, I know what I want. 

I can fall in love with every beautiful face that comes around, I can look at every girl and decided "too fat", "too skinny" or "just right" like I'm Goldilocks just sitting in various chairs until I find the one that fits. But I've realized I know what I want. I don't know who, but I know what. Perhaps I have high standards and maybe I'll be single for years from now who knows but I know what I need.

It seems like every time I meet a girl who I like and I think she likes me, I'm wrong. Likewise every time I meet a girl who I like but I think she'd never like me that way, I'm wrong again. I'm the king of poor decisions and bad timing. I can't read anyone and I either make a move to soon or not soon enough. There's a girl who I've been talking to a lot lately. For the first time I'm pretty sure that my instincts are totally right. Sadly my instincts are telling me that this person doesn't like me that way and it's a shame.

In my brain I've had a large pile of "date ideas". Laying out in the Park at night staring at stars, trips to the mountains and the beach, picnics, trips to a park just because, concerts, movies, dinners by candlelight, hell it's a dream of mine to simply cuddle up on a couch with a girl and watch a movie like Harvey or It happened one night or Some like it hot. I want a classical girl that also has a nice healthy blending of indie/art school girl.

Even more important to me is that I want a girl to create with. The other day I was looking at a picture of puppeters working on a movie and it made me think about how Jim Henson and his wife were constantly working together. I don't want to be a filmmaker who does his own thing while his wife is sitting in a office building somewhere. That's not to say that I don't want her to have her own career at all but it's far more fun to create with various people then to just create on your own and I'd love a girlfriend who would create with me.

I think the girl I'm talking about exists, I think I met her and I think that these are all the things she's looking for too. I also think that she doesn't like me that way, even more confusing is that I'm pretty sure she'll eventually read this. I heavily advertise my blog to people through Facebook, twitter, and on AIM. Despite the fact that I'm sure there will be at least 4-5 girls who will think this is about them, I have a strong feeling that the person it's actually about will be clueless that it's about her.

It's weird, I normally am scared to tell any women in my life about this blog. Perhaps it's my discussing of crushes or the fact that I constantly talk about masterbation and sex in here but everytime I directly link a girl to my blog to read an entry, I'm always afraid she'll read other entries and have a change of opinion on me. But I have to say that this is the scariest entry I've ever posted because I think I've really opened myself up too much for my own good.

Every OkCupid Account I've ever read

MY SELF-SUMMARY
I really hate writing about myself in these self-summary things, but I guess this is worth a shot. I'm a strict vegetarian art student. Music and Art is my life! I'm sick of guys just seeing me as a sex object and thing it's time to find someone who likes me for me.

WHAT I’M DOING WITH MY LIFE
I've just finished Grad school and I'm an art teacher now. I love my job soooo much

I’M REALLY GOOD AT
Cheering people up with my smile, Teaching, being there for my girls

THE FIRST THING(S) PEOPLE USUALLY NOTICE ABOUT ME
My eyes

MY FAVORITE BOOKS, MOVIES, MUSIC, AND FOOD
Books: Anything by Chuck Palahniuk, I also love David Eggar's "A staggering work of Genius"
Movies: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Garden State, Anything by Wes Anderson and Tim Burton
Music: Anything except Country
Food: I love chinese, but specifically vegetarian sushi

THE SIX THINGS I COULD NEVER DO WITHOUT
1. Sex
2. Love
3. My Family
4. My Girls
5. My Cute Puppy
6. My Camera

I SPEND A LOT OF TIME THINKING ABOUT
If love really exists, how I can meet Johnny Depp :P just playin

ON A TYPICAL FRIDAY NIGHT I AM
Out drinking with my girls

THE MOST PRIVATE THING I’M WILLING TO ADMIT HERE
I'm typically an Open book! Just ask and I'll tell you anything!

YOU SHOULD MESSAGE ME IF
If you're cool and looking for something other than sex

My Driving Forces

Sometimes I can’t help but get frustrated at the on going decline of quality cinema. I’ve never, ever considered myself to be even remotely pretencious. Infact I hate pretencious people more than anything in the world. The fact of the matter is while I love movies like Casablanca and Citizen Kane I also love crap-fests like Troll 2 and recently Dance of the Dead.

I am not going to say that a movie like Dance of the Dead should win any awards. Nor should Crank 2 which is easily the most fun I ever had at a movie. But what’s sad is that these are among the best films I’ve seen from in the last few years. Crank 2 is currently my second favorite movie of 2009 (behind the disappointingly unfair bomb Adventureland)

Recently on my netflix I’ve been watching older films, specifically movies like The General, City Lights, Duck Soup and Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy. While watching these movies I’ve realized that proper comedies, the timeless ones just aren’t happening. Will people reflect on movies like Knocked Up in 20 years from now the way that we remember any of these films? Probably not, that doesn’t’ stop some films from being INCREDIBLY inspiration in the last 25 years.

I’m presenting you with a list of 10 films (made since my birth) that have inspired me as a filmmaker/writer.

 

10) The Toxic Avenger – This is a bizarre pick to start off with. But both this movie and I were created in 1985. Toxic Avenger is what put renagade film-maker Lloyd Kaufman and his Independent film company Troma on the map. The movie taught me that you can make movies on your own terms. It’s not a great movie, but it’s fun and you can tell it’s been done as practically as possible.

9) Forgetting Sarah Marshall – This was one of the most well written films about break ups ever. It might still be a recent film but this is movie has single handedly influenced me to start writing a new script after a year of writer’s block.

8) Hot Rod – Andy Sanberg might be in the lime light now for the I’m On a Boat video, but before collaborating with T-Pain he was making this box office bomb with his friends. It’s one of the most ridiculous movies ever created but you cane tell that the members of Lonely Island don’t care, they just want to make themselves laugh and that’s why  its great. Think of yourself over your audience.

7) Labyrinth – I don’t know any child of the 80’s not influenced by this Jim Henson film. While watching this film one thing is clear, Jim Henson was a vision and he was going to make that vision a reality. That being said Jim Henson is my hero though, so this is slight bias.

6) Purple Rose of Cairo – Woody Allen’s love letter to cinema is also his best film. Anyone who’s a cinema-holic will be influenced by this film that mixes drama, comedy and fantasy into one brilliant film. It should be noted that Woody Allen is my favorite writer

5) The Monster Squad – I grew up with this film the way many people grew up with The Goonies. This was the movie that made me know that even at the age of 5, I wanted to make movies. It’s just a fun movie plain and simple.

4) Scream – This was the first horror movie I ever saw and it started my love affair with horror movies. As years have gone by I’ve learned that this is one of the most brilliant horror movies ever written. The more films I watch, the more that I love about it.

3) Wet Hot American Summer – The people who brought you the State created easily the greatest Anti-Comedy ever released. Most people watch it and just “don’t get it”. That’s almost exactly the point, there’s nothing to get, it’s simply a completely irreverent film. I feel the same way about this movie as I do with Hot Rod

2) Garden State – Zach Braff’s dramedy was the film that I watched multiple times while working on what I consider my first “REAL” screenplay. I remember when I watched thinking “this is exactly how I feel”.

1) Clerks – Kevin Smith’s film debut has shaped my script-writing more than any other film out there. It was real, I knew I had those conversations with my friends and more importantly, it screamed, ‘you can do this yourself’. I know for a fact I’m not alone in my love for this movie and it’s influence on me.

It's 2:40 am on April 21st. I've neglected writing and all round doing alot of things lately. I've really hit a funk and not in a good way like George Clinton Performing at my college kegger. No, lately I've been just sitting around the house depressed watching TV and listening to CDs my mom gave me on Easter.

I guess it goes back to six months ago when my life all started to crumble. As you know, the girlfriend left and I moved out of my parents house the same week. I got fired and graduated around the same week as well. Since Mid-December I've been unemployeed and at first it was really fun, but over the later months I've developed some serious cabin fever.

The worst part is the loneliness. I live with friends and hang out friends but that doesn't change the fact that I miss having a girlfriend. Sometimes I wonder if I'd take my ex back if she ever asked. I used to be so sure I'd say no, but now, I'm not so sure.

I've gone on what I think were dates, but I don't really know for sure. There's been a never ending list of women who have come and gone in as crushes and for me to sit here and list them that'd be ridiculous. But there were some key players in this evil game called love.

Many of you I'm sure remember Jessica Rabbit, well... She's back with her Ex. A Man I didn't like the first time around but after spending time with him at a party I fucking hate him. He's a huge douche'bag and I'll never understand why girls prefer dickheads over a nice guy.

Cuddlebitch was another important character (also known as flirty McCocktease) who has almost become like a little sister to me. I just hope she also develops better judgement.

Another one that was quite important was Make-Up girl, who I was very excited to hang out with only for her to not show up at the last second. New York girl I did get to hang out with for a day and we got along but it's useless to chase that goal since she moves to Louisana very shortly and finally there's Zoo girl. Zoo girl and I had little to nothing in common, so again there's nothing to say about this.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm too picky of a human being. Maybe I've set an unreasonably high standard or something. All I know is that last night I had a dream that my ex and I got back together and I was really happy in the dream. But I was more happy when I woke up and found out it was only a dream. Because as lonely as I am. I realized that I deserve to be treated better than I have been.

I understand my station in life, as annoying as that can sometimes be. I'm simply "the guy that every girl has a 'friend' for". Every girl I've ever encountered says the same time, "I have a fried that'd be perfect for you!" Ironically, I meet their friend who doesn't like me that way, but alas, they have a friend as well. And the cycle of rejection goes round and round, the circle of life moves us all and the wipers on the bus go Swish Swish Swish.

Tomorrow I'm suppose to meet Jessica Rabbit for lunch. I don't know what I'm going to say. It's going to take a lot for me to want to tell her she's making a mistake, but it's not my place.

Regardless, I can't sleep and I'm laying on my bed listening to a mix CD I made the same year my grandfather died, appropriately titled "Memory of Jack". I really miss him. I can't help but wonder if I'd be nearly as lonely if he was still around. Although I assume I wouldn't be this lonely if I had a job, or was at school as well. 

Whatever the case my be, having a sleep schedule that involves staying up til 5am every night is slightly unhealthy and I should probably consider changing that when i get a job again.