Tuesday, April 21, 2009

It's 2:40 am on April 21st. I've neglected writing and all round doing alot of things lately. I've really hit a funk and not in a good way like George Clinton Performing at my college kegger. No, lately I've been just sitting around the house depressed watching TV and listening to CDs my mom gave me on Easter.

I guess it goes back to six months ago when my life all started to crumble. As you know, the girlfriend left and I moved out of my parents house the same week. I got fired and graduated around the same week as well. Since Mid-December I've been unemployeed and at first it was really fun, but over the later months I've developed some serious cabin fever.

The worst part is the loneliness. I live with friends and hang out friends but that doesn't change the fact that I miss having a girlfriend. Sometimes I wonder if I'd take my ex back if she ever asked. I used to be so sure I'd say no, but now, I'm not so sure.

I've gone on what I think were dates, but I don't really know for sure. There's been a never ending list of women who have come and gone in as crushes and for me to sit here and list them that'd be ridiculous. But there were some key players in this evil game called love.

Many of you I'm sure remember Jessica Rabbit, well... She's back with her Ex. A Man I didn't like the first time around but after spending time with him at a party I fucking hate him. He's a huge douche'bag and I'll never understand why girls prefer dickheads over a nice guy.

Cuddlebitch was another important character (also known as flirty McCocktease) who has almost become like a little sister to me. I just hope she also develops better judgement.

Another one that was quite important was Make-Up girl, who I was very excited to hang out with only for her to not show up at the last second. New York girl I did get to hang out with for a day and we got along but it's useless to chase that goal since she moves to Louisana very shortly and finally there's Zoo girl. Zoo girl and I had little to nothing in common, so again there's nothing to say about this.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm too picky of a human being. Maybe I've set an unreasonably high standard or something. All I know is that last night I had a dream that my ex and I got back together and I was really happy in the dream. But I was more happy when I woke up and found out it was only a dream. Because as lonely as I am. I realized that I deserve to be treated better than I have been.

I understand my station in life, as annoying as that can sometimes be. I'm simply "the guy that every girl has a 'friend' for". Every girl I've ever encountered says the same time, "I have a fried that'd be perfect for you!" Ironically, I meet their friend who doesn't like me that way, but alas, they have a friend as well. And the cycle of rejection goes round and round, the circle of life moves us all and the wipers on the bus go Swish Swish Swish.

Tomorrow I'm suppose to meet Jessica Rabbit for lunch. I don't know what I'm going to say. It's going to take a lot for me to want to tell her she's making a mistake, but it's not my place.

Regardless, I can't sleep and I'm laying on my bed listening to a mix CD I made the same year my grandfather died, appropriately titled "Memory of Jack". I really miss him. I can't help but wonder if I'd be nearly as lonely if he was still around. Although I assume I wouldn't be this lonely if I had a job, or was at school as well. 

Whatever the case my be, having a sleep schedule that involves staying up til 5am every night is slightly unhealthy and I should probably consider changing that when i get a job again.

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