I can fall in love with every beautiful face that comes around, I can look at every girl and decided "too fat", "too skinny" or "just right" like I'm Goldilocks just sitting in various chairs until I find the one that fits. But I've realized I know what I want. I don't know who, but I know what. Perhaps I have high standards and maybe I'll be single for years from now who knows but I know what I need.
It seems like every time I meet a girl who I like and I think she likes me, I'm wrong. Likewise every time I meet a girl who I like but I think she'd never like me that way, I'm wrong again. I'm the king of poor decisions and bad timing. I can't read anyone and I either make a move to soon or not soon enough. There's a girl who I've been talking to a lot lately. For the first time I'm pretty sure that my instincts are totally right. Sadly my instincts are telling me that this person doesn't like me that way and it's a shame.
In my brain I've had a large pile of "date ideas". Laying out in the Park at night staring at stars, trips to the mountains and the beach, picnics, trips to a park just because, concerts, movies, dinners by candlelight, hell it's a dream of mine to simply cuddle up on a couch with a girl and watch a movie like Harvey or It happened one night or Some like it hot. I want a classical girl that also has a nice healthy blending of indie/art school girl.
Even more important to me is that I want a girl to create with. The other day I was looking at a picture of puppeters working on a movie and it made me think about how Jim Henson and his wife were constantly working together. I don't want to be a filmmaker who does his own thing while his wife is sitting in a office building somewhere. That's not to say that I don't want her to have her own career at all but it's far more fun to create with various people then to just create on your own and I'd love a girlfriend who would create with me.
I think the girl I'm talking about exists, I think I met her and I think that these are all the things she's looking for too. I also think that she doesn't like me that way, even more confusing is that I'm pretty sure she'll eventually read this. I heavily advertise my blog to people through Facebook, twitter, and on AIM. Despite the fact that I'm sure there will be at least 4-5 girls who will think this is about them, I have a strong feeling that the person it's actually about will be clueless that it's about her.
It's weird, I normally am scared to tell any women in my life about this blog. Perhaps it's my discussing of crushes or the fact that I constantly talk about masterbation and sex in here but everytime I directly link a girl to my blog to read an entry, I'm always afraid she'll read other entries and have a change of opinion on me. But I have to say that this is the scariest entry I've ever posted because I think I've really opened myself up too much for my own good.