Triggered Memory - "Loser"

This week my roommate and best friend got a girlfriend. This was a major blow to my self esteem as this means I am the final "single" friend in my circle of best friends. Last night while he and his girlfriend were out for the night I picked up a DVD that best described how I felt, also it proved the strangest feeling of comfort for me for many years. Last night was no different.

I'm just going to be straight forward here. I didn't have a ton of friends growing up. From Elementary School on up until High School I can maybe think of 2-3 people that I still talk to on a semi-regular basis. I spent many weekends with my family. 

Our friday nights basically involved one of two things. We'd either watch TGIF together or if it was rerun season we'd go to Blockbuster and rent two or three movies to watch as a family. At the time I thought this was completely normal but now at 28 I realized I was quite blessed to have such an insanely close and loving family.  It was on one of those Friday nights that I saw Loser.

The first time I watched it, I didn't really think much of it. I thought the scene featuring David Spade was funny but never thought much more about it. That didn't stop me from buying the VHS tape. I could come up with a million excuses for why I bought a movie but it basically boils down to one thing… I was in love.

Dora Diamond (Mena Suvari) has for 14 years remained one of my three biggest fictional film character crushes (also on the list Kat from Casper and Sam from Garden State…more about them in the future I'm sure). I bought the VHS because of that character. All I wanted in Junior High on into High School was that punky weird girl with a heart of gold. It was in this "love" that I connected so strongly with Jason Biggs' character Paul.

Jason Biggs' early career was basically him playing characters that I could see myself in. I saw myself in Jim when I saw American Pie and I saw myself in Paul.

What started off as a movie that I bought because of a crush turned into a movie I watched once a week because it gave me home. I remember my lonely summers. It wasn't uncommon for me to order a cheesesteak from the steak shop behind my house and eat while watching this movie. I memorized this movie, every line, every musical queue, everything. The soundtrack truly is amazing and introduced me to at least five songs that are among my all-time favorites. 

So why? Why would I watch something that much? Because every time I watched it… it'd give me hope of my happy ending. Despite my loneliness, despite the lack of girls that showed an attraction to me… every time I watched the movie it made me believe that one day I'd find my Dora Diamond. I still do.