The Beautiful night in Paris I never had

About two years after seeing the original I've finally gotten around to seeing Before Sunset the sequel to Before Sunrise which is one of the most beautiful and romantic movies ever made. While watching this movie I was struck with the sudden realization that while I have crushes galore, I know what I want. 

I can fall in love with every beautiful face that comes around, I can look at every girl and decided "too fat", "too skinny" or "just right" like I'm Goldilocks just sitting in various chairs until I find the one that fits. But I've realized I know what I want. I don't know who, but I know what. Perhaps I have high standards and maybe I'll be single for years from now who knows but I know what I need.

It seems like every time I meet a girl who I like and I think she likes me, I'm wrong. Likewise every time I meet a girl who I like but I think she'd never like me that way, I'm wrong again. I'm the king of poor decisions and bad timing. I can't read anyone and I either make a move to soon or not soon enough. There's a girl who I've been talking to a lot lately. For the first time I'm pretty sure that my instincts are totally right. Sadly my instincts are telling me that this person doesn't like me that way and it's a shame.

In my brain I've had a large pile of "date ideas". Laying out in the Park at night staring at stars, trips to the mountains and the beach, picnics, trips to a park just because, concerts, movies, dinners by candlelight, hell it's a dream of mine to simply cuddle up on a couch with a girl and watch a movie like Harvey or It happened one night or Some like it hot. I want a classical girl that also has a nice healthy blending of indie/art school girl.

Even more important to me is that I want a girl to create with. The other day I was looking at a picture of puppeters working on a movie and it made me think about how Jim Henson and his wife were constantly working together. I don't want to be a filmmaker who does his own thing while his wife is sitting in a office building somewhere. That's not to say that I don't want her to have her own career at all but it's far more fun to create with various people then to just create on your own and I'd love a girlfriend who would create with me.

I think the girl I'm talking about exists, I think I met her and I think that these are all the things she's looking for too. I also think that she doesn't like me that way, even more confusing is that I'm pretty sure she'll eventually read this. I heavily advertise my blog to people through Facebook, twitter, and on AIM. Despite the fact that I'm sure there will be at least 4-5 girls who will think this is about them, I have a strong feeling that the person it's actually about will be clueless that it's about her.

It's weird, I normally am scared to tell any women in my life about this blog. Perhaps it's my discussing of crushes or the fact that I constantly talk about masterbation and sex in here but everytime I directly link a girl to my blog to read an entry, I'm always afraid she'll read other entries and have a change of opinion on me. But I have to say that this is the scariest entry I've ever posted because I think I've really opened myself up too much for my own good.

Every OkCupid Account I've ever read

MY SELF-SUMMARY
I really hate writing about myself in these self-summary things, but I guess this is worth a shot. I'm a strict vegetarian art student. Music and Art is my life! I'm sick of guys just seeing me as a sex object and thing it's time to find someone who likes me for me.

WHAT I’M DOING WITH MY LIFE
I've just finished Grad school and I'm an art teacher now. I love my job soooo much

I’M REALLY GOOD AT
Cheering people up with my smile, Teaching, being there for my girls

THE FIRST THING(S) PEOPLE USUALLY NOTICE ABOUT ME
My eyes

MY FAVORITE BOOKS, MOVIES, MUSIC, AND FOOD
Books: Anything by Chuck Palahniuk, I also love David Eggar's "A staggering work of Genius"
Movies: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Garden State, Anything by Wes Anderson and Tim Burton
Music: Anything except Country
Food: I love chinese, but specifically vegetarian sushi

THE SIX THINGS I COULD NEVER DO WITHOUT
1. Sex
2. Love
3. My Family
4. My Girls
5. My Cute Puppy
6. My Camera

I SPEND A LOT OF TIME THINKING ABOUT
If love really exists, how I can meet Johnny Depp :P just playin

ON A TYPICAL FRIDAY NIGHT I AM
Out drinking with my girls

THE MOST PRIVATE THING I’M WILLING TO ADMIT HERE
I'm typically an Open book! Just ask and I'll tell you anything!

YOU SHOULD MESSAGE ME IF
If you're cool and looking for something other than sex

My Driving Forces

Sometimes I can’t help but get frustrated at the on going decline of quality cinema. I’ve never, ever considered myself to be even remotely pretencious. Infact I hate pretencious people more than anything in the world. The fact of the matter is while I love movies like Casablanca and Citizen Kane I also love crap-fests like Troll 2 and recently Dance of the Dead.

I am not going to say that a movie like Dance of the Dead should win any awards. Nor should Crank 2 which is easily the most fun I ever had at a movie. But what’s sad is that these are among the best films I’ve seen from in the last few years. Crank 2 is currently my second favorite movie of 2009 (behind the disappointingly unfair bomb Adventureland)

Recently on my netflix I’ve been watching older films, specifically movies like The General, City Lights, Duck Soup and Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy. While watching these movies I’ve realized that proper comedies, the timeless ones just aren’t happening. Will people reflect on movies like Knocked Up in 20 years from now the way that we remember any of these films? Probably not, that doesn’t’ stop some films from being INCREDIBLY inspiration in the last 25 years.

I’m presenting you with a list of 10 films (made since my birth) that have inspired me as a filmmaker/writer.

 

10) The Toxic Avenger – This is a bizarre pick to start off with. But both this movie and I were created in 1985. Toxic Avenger is what put renagade film-maker Lloyd Kaufman and his Independent film company Troma on the map. The movie taught me that you can make movies on your own terms. It’s not a great movie, but it’s fun and you can tell it’s been done as practically as possible.

9) Forgetting Sarah Marshall – This was one of the most well written films about break ups ever. It might still be a recent film but this is movie has single handedly influenced me to start writing a new script after a year of writer’s block.

8) Hot Rod – Andy Sanberg might be in the lime light now for the I’m On a Boat video, but before collaborating with T-Pain he was making this box office bomb with his friends. It’s one of the most ridiculous movies ever created but you cane tell that the members of Lonely Island don’t care, they just want to make themselves laugh and that’s why  its great. Think of yourself over your audience.

7) Labyrinth – I don’t know any child of the 80’s not influenced by this Jim Henson film. While watching this film one thing is clear, Jim Henson was a vision and he was going to make that vision a reality. That being said Jim Henson is my hero though, so this is slight bias.

6) Purple Rose of Cairo – Woody Allen’s love letter to cinema is also his best film. Anyone who’s a cinema-holic will be influenced by this film that mixes drama, comedy and fantasy into one brilliant film. It should be noted that Woody Allen is my favorite writer

5) The Monster Squad – I grew up with this film the way many people grew up with The Goonies. This was the movie that made me know that even at the age of 5, I wanted to make movies. It’s just a fun movie plain and simple.

4) Scream – This was the first horror movie I ever saw and it started my love affair with horror movies. As years have gone by I’ve learned that this is one of the most brilliant horror movies ever written. The more films I watch, the more that I love about it.

3) Wet Hot American Summer – The people who brought you the State created easily the greatest Anti-Comedy ever released. Most people watch it and just “don’t get it”. That’s almost exactly the point, there’s nothing to get, it’s simply a completely irreverent film. I feel the same way about this movie as I do with Hot Rod

2) Garden State – Zach Braff’s dramedy was the film that I watched multiple times while working on what I consider my first “REAL” screenplay. I remember when I watched thinking “this is exactly how I feel”.

1) Clerks – Kevin Smith’s film debut has shaped my script-writing more than any other film out there. It was real, I knew I had those conversations with my friends and more importantly, it screamed, ‘you can do this yourself’. I know for a fact I’m not alone in my love for this movie and it’s influence on me.

It's 2:40 am on April 21st. I've neglected writing and all round doing alot of things lately. I've really hit a funk and not in a good way like George Clinton Performing at my college kegger. No, lately I've been just sitting around the house depressed watching TV and listening to CDs my mom gave me on Easter.

I guess it goes back to six months ago when my life all started to crumble. As you know, the girlfriend left and I moved out of my parents house the same week. I got fired and graduated around the same week as well. Since Mid-December I've been unemployeed and at first it was really fun, but over the later months I've developed some serious cabin fever.

The worst part is the loneliness. I live with friends and hang out friends but that doesn't change the fact that I miss having a girlfriend. Sometimes I wonder if I'd take my ex back if she ever asked. I used to be so sure I'd say no, but now, I'm not so sure.

I've gone on what I think were dates, but I don't really know for sure. There's been a never ending list of women who have come and gone in as crushes and for me to sit here and list them that'd be ridiculous. But there were some key players in this evil game called love.

Many of you I'm sure remember Jessica Rabbit, well... She's back with her Ex. A Man I didn't like the first time around but after spending time with him at a party I fucking hate him. He's a huge douche'bag and I'll never understand why girls prefer dickheads over a nice guy.

Cuddlebitch was another important character (also known as flirty McCocktease) who has almost become like a little sister to me. I just hope she also develops better judgement.

Another one that was quite important was Make-Up girl, who I was very excited to hang out with only for her to not show up at the last second. New York girl I did get to hang out with for a day and we got along but it's useless to chase that goal since she moves to Louisana very shortly and finally there's Zoo girl. Zoo girl and I had little to nothing in common, so again there's nothing to say about this.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm too picky of a human being. Maybe I've set an unreasonably high standard or something. All I know is that last night I had a dream that my ex and I got back together and I was really happy in the dream. But I was more happy when I woke up and found out it was only a dream. Because as lonely as I am. I realized that I deserve to be treated better than I have been.

I understand my station in life, as annoying as that can sometimes be. I'm simply "the guy that every girl has a 'friend' for". Every girl I've ever encountered says the same time, "I have a fried that'd be perfect for you!" Ironically, I meet their friend who doesn't like me that way, but alas, they have a friend as well. And the cycle of rejection goes round and round, the circle of life moves us all and the wipers on the bus go Swish Swish Swish.

Tomorrow I'm suppose to meet Jessica Rabbit for lunch. I don't know what I'm going to say. It's going to take a lot for me to want to tell her she's making a mistake, but it's not my place.

Regardless, I can't sleep and I'm laying on my bed listening to a mix CD I made the same year my grandfather died, appropriately titled "Memory of Jack". I really miss him. I can't help but wonder if I'd be nearly as lonely if he was still around. Although I assume I wouldn't be this lonely if I had a job, or was at school as well. 

Whatever the case my be, having a sleep schedule that involves staying up til 5am every night is slightly unhealthy and I should probably consider changing that when i get a job again.