31 Days of Halloween - Day 23: Friday the 13th (2009)

For the last few years I always do a 31 days of Halloween month. The past few years I re-read all the original Goosebumps books and before that I'd watch 31 horror movies. However I realized every single time I watched 31 Horror movies I exclusively picked ones I enjoyed. I decided to do something slightly different. I composed a list of every horror movie I owned and put them in alphabetical order. Then using a random number generator I generated 31 numbers and watched the movies that corresponded with those numbers. Some are great films and others… well… are less than fun let's say. I hope you enjoy!

Day 23: Friday the 13th (2009) (Movie #190)

Of all the big name slashers (Freddy, Jason, Myers, Chucky and Pinhead) I've only ever seen two of them on the big screen (Halloween H20 and this). So for that reason alone there will probably always be a special place in my heart for this remake that most people hated.

Let me start off the bat by saying I by no means think this is a great or even a good movie, but I do defend it. The reason is that it's not a terrible remake. In fact to compare it to last week's Nightmare on Elm Street this film is at least enjoyable.

The thing that helps this movie is that while it's a retelling/revamp/reboot/whatever you call it the film works as a sequel. They rush through the first film in the first 30 seconds (the same way basically every F13 sequel before it has) and the only elements ripped from previous films are the burlap sack and hockey mask. Unlike some other sequels that try to recreate moments from the original series this film at least treats itself like it's own movie with it's own unique version of Jason.

This is usually referred to as Jason and the Pot Farm due to the plot lines of "kids trying to find an infamous strain of weed" and the fact that Jason is more of a "stay off my property" killer than a "driven by a blood thirst" killer.  While I won't say this isn't a fair complaint I simply can't say this is the worst Jason movie ever. This may be stupid, but it's still better than Jason Takes Manhattan.

Matt Kelly is the host of the popular podcast The Saint Mort Show, a frequent contributor to Geekscape.net, the founder of Chords for Cures and the co-writer/co-director of the upcoming comedy Describing the Moon. He also loves it when people surprise him with purchases from his Amazon Wishlist… just saying.

31 Days of Halloween - Day 6: Prom Night

For the last few years I always do a 31 days of Halloween month. The past few years I re-read all the original Goosebumps books and before that I'd watch 31 horror movies. However I realized every single time I watched 31 Horror movies I exclusively picked ones I enjoyed. I decided to do something slightly different. I composed a list of every horror movie I owned and put them in alphabetical order. Then using a random number generator I generated 31 numbers and watched the movies that corresponded with those numbers. Some are great films and others… well… are less than fun let's say. I hope you enjoy!

Day 6: Prom Night (Movie #380)

Prom Night is one of those movies I rented early on in my horror movie fascination and I really never liked it very much. Honestly the only reason I own it is because I'm a slasher film completest. If we're becoming completely honest I prefer the sequel in name only Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night 2.

There's quite a few issues I have about this movie, a major one is that the film is a mystery with the least shocking reveal possible. It's basically stated in the beginning of the movie than the rest of the time the "Killer" is hidden among shadows and when he's finally unmasked in the last 5 seconds of the film it's treated as some startling revelation.

The film is also super tame (although this came out the same year as Friday the 13th that un-tamed the slasher film so I'll forgive it for that) and very slow (which I won't forgive). It's a bad sign when one of the most entertaining moments in the movie is 3 minute disco dancing sequence (to the films title track).

The premise of the film is weirdly similar to Stitches. If I didn't just watch that yesterday however I probably wouldn't have made the connection, but both films involve the unfortunate death of someone at the hands of a group of kids and a killer getting revenge on them years later. The only difference is that a killer undead clown is much more exciting.

In the beginning of the film a group of 10 year olds accidentally lead to the death of a girl name Robin. Flash-forward to six years later and her brother and sister are preparing for prom night (on the anniversary of Robin's death). At this same time all the kids involved in Robin's death get cryptic phone calls and are slowly killed off one by one. Eventually the killer is revealed. The End.

Now watching this again for the first time in years there are things I really like. You might think I'm joking about the dance sequence I mentioned earlier but for some reason it's captivating (isn't all disco dancing?). However the stand out character that I completely forgot even existed is Seymour "Slick" Crane. Everything involving him and Jude Cunningham is charming, funny and at times even cute. Jude might be the only person in the film that I'm said to see die (um Spoiler Alert I suppose).

The final death scene (literally in the final… 90 seconds of the movie) is a pretty decent death and takes advantage of a really simple practical effect but still makes for the best gore moment in the whole film.

Chances are this will sit on my shelf unwatched for a couple years and it's still one of my least favorite slashers but I have a slightly better appreciation for the film at least.

Long Live Slick

Matt Kelly is the host of the popular podcast The Saint Mort Show, a frequent contributor to Geekscape.net, the founder of Chords for Cures and the co-writer/co-director of the upcoming comedy Describing the Moon. He also loves it when people surprise him with purchases from his Amazon Wishlist… just saying.

31 Movies of Halloween: Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Every day for this month I'll be watching a horror film and posting a review. Enjoy!

DAY 7: TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE

I discovered a love of horror movies during the summer between 5th and 6th grade. I was lucky enough to not just love Halloween but to also have been born in October. What this ended up meaning was that whenever my birthday rolled around I’d have a horror movie marathon with my friends. The first versions of these movie marathons were sleepovers. It was at one of these sleepovers that I saw Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

At that point in my life I was all about gore. Nightmare on Elm Street, Scream, Toxic Avenger... those were the movies that I was interested in. Texas Chainsaw Massacre’s slow pace and lack of gore basically just meant I was bored as were everyone that attended the party.

In high school I found an old VHS copy for sale for a $1. It was the day before halloween and I decided to pick up a copy strictly to watch that year while kids were trick-r-treating. It was a slow burn that particular year, so instead of handing out candy, I was just enjoying the movie. All the things that made me dislike it those many years ago where the exact reason I loved it.

It’s atmospheric, it’s eerie and it’s brilliantly paced. Gun to my head I’d even vote it the greatest horror movie ever made. The final 20 minutes are a prime example of how editing can create tension. The film went from being long static shots to a chaotic cut every other second. When mixed with the soundtrack and the screaming you get a nightmarish quality not seen in modern horror.

If you call yourself a horror fan and you’ve never watched this low-budget masterpiece, you need to fix that.

If you just can't get enough of Saint Mort then check out his podcast The Saint Mort Show and read my writings on Geekscape.net and never forget food cost things

31 Movies of Halloween: Student Bodies

I plan on watching and reviewing a horror movie everyday this month. Enjoy!

DAY 3: STUDENT BODIES

Before Scream and Scary Movie; there was Student Bodies, the first ever self-aware horror film and and slasher parody. The film follows a slasher referred to as the Breather. He is a heavily breathing, squeaky shoes wearing slasher. People get killed in the most absurd of ways including early on a paper clip. The jokes are pretty dated, but what’s sad is that the jokes feel like they could have easily been in any of the Scary Movie films made almost two decades afterwards.

Throughout the film a body count consisting pops up on screen. Characters utter lines like “shut up, are you trying to make people suspect you” and have such off colored jokes as blind student and student in a wheelchair arguing over who is deserving of the school’s only parking spot.

This movie could have only been made in the early 80s. Jokes as un-PC as these just don’t happen these days. Most of the actors were never seen again after this movie’s release, including the star of the show Patrick “The Stick” Vernal who played the Janitor Malvert. The failed stand-up comedian never appeared on screen again (except for a brief TV Show cameo in 1984).

The film was a box office bomb and received almost complete critical panning yet the late night circuit gave the movie a small cult following. However the following was big enough for the movie to get a DVD and Blu-Ray release. Not band for a film that just barely pulled in 5 million in the box office.

If you get enjoyment out of the Scary Movie franchise, then you should absolutely give Student Bodies a chance.

Confessions of a Childhood Gore Hound

Geekscape is not a paying job. I hope one day it will be. But for now, it's not. That doesn't mean it doesn't have it's perks, beyond interviews with awesome guests and press passes to pretty much any convention, I also get packages in the mail of movies to review. Yesterday I got such a package, the first 22 minutes of Full Moon Features new movie Evil Bong 3D: The Wrath of Bong. It made me think about junior high.

It was the summer before I started 6th grade. Two things happened almost back to back. I rented the movie The Frightners (which was my first 'real' horror movie; although it was more of a horror-comedy)... I LOVED the movie, that same week my cousin David made me watch Scream. It was official, after years of being a pansy that didn't like the sight of blood... now i wanted to actively track down the worst of the worst. It'd start with borrowing movies from different people. Slowly I saw the classics, Halloween, Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street.

In 6th grade however my parent's got an account at the local mom & pops store. I remember the first day I went there on my own. I had been talking to a kid named Adam in class and we decided to hang out after school sometime. Eventually it turned into a "sleep-over" and we decided to grab some movies. Walking through the aisles of horror movies we decided on Killer Klowns From Outer Space and Demonic Toys.

I began frequenting the video store every Friday after school. Picking up everything that I could get my hands on from Full Moon Pictures, Troma Entertainment and Empire Pictures. At the time I didn't understand Troma... I found their movies cheap and stupid. I was more of a Full Moon kid back in those days. (now that's almost completely reversed; full moon is fun but Troma is down-right brilliant).

The Summer was when it got at it's up most ridiculous. I discovered that if you returned movies the day after you rented them, your next rental was free. I'd ride my bike to the video store, pick up 3 movies, pedal back home, order a cheesesteak and make a day out of it. It was then that I started discovering movies like Bad Channels, Basket Case and Evil Dead 2.

I miss those days; as I think every gore hound does. There was something special about those afternoons. You'd never fast forward the trailers, it was the only way to know what was coming next. You'd watch Troma's Lloyd Kaufman hosted intros to each movies as well as wait after the trailers of the Full Moon Pictures for the making of segments titled VideoZone. These were the hey-days of B-horror. And I miss them. You watch films like Puppet Master 3 and there's such a legitimate passion behind them, there was an art-form. As I'm sitting here watching films like Evil Bong, Terror Toons and Gingerdead Man, there's no car or passion, just a desperate money grab with shit effects and down-and-out stars.

There is a beckon of light however for Horror, it lines in the hands of people like James Gunn, Adam Greene, Gregg Bishop, Robert Masciantonio and Rob Zombie. They're out there making movies like Dance of the Dead, Slither, Neighbor and Hatchet. They show a true passion for horror, a love for low-budget "cgi-free" effects and fun stories. If you haven't seen the films of these directors, go and track them down. They're currently the only people saving horror from being nothing but remakes and sequels.