Sunday, January 30, 2011

The I.D.ea of Saint Mort

Since the Saint Mort Show came out, I've been asked by many of my guests (both future and past) about whether Saint Mort is a character. This has been a really difficult question for me to answer. I've never see Saint Mort as a character as much as a mask. Under the guise of Saint Mort I would express feelings that I'd normally not state in normal times. I'd eventually become my ID that I'd use in everything.

The story goes back to 11th grade. I had a band all of 10th grade that broke up over the summer. I started writing more comedically driven songs but had no band to back me up. Instead I taught myself guitar. By the time of my first show I only knew 4 chords... but had 10 songs and a handful of covers. This turned into the joke of the show... I played the same 4 chords in the same progression for all 10 songs.. just at different tempos. At this time I was simply called "Matt Kelly".

It was in 12th grade when I was in my english class and due to my poor handwriting my teacher thought my name was Mort not Matt. Mort became the new name for my music project. A few months later a friend of mine who was in seminary told me that the definition of Saint is basically someone who "stands out" in a crowd. Since I was a self proclaimed "acoustic punk star" playing shows will all hardcore bands I figured I stood out and the name Saint Mort was created.

Soon Saint Mort became my everything forum names, screen name, email address and even a nickname amongst my friends. It was around this time I started to write slightly more political comedy songs (in the sense of scene politics) I wrote songs like "They're coming to get you Barbara" about music elitists (it contained the lyrics "when will all the madness end/You're not a punk unless you're just like them") as well as "Handbook to being Scene (Step One Rip off Green Day)" which explained how to be a true punk scenester (This contained one of my favorite verses I ever wrote which was "When you buy your shirts, get them 3 sizes too small//Scream everything, no need to sing at all/When you wear your pants you gotta show a plumbers crack/and most of all don't forget to buy your trucker hat")

Saint Mort never was a huge musical movement like I wanted it to be. I'd play shows every few months and people would seem to enjoy the performance but I'd go without playing shows for month on end (averaging about 3 shows a year). I'd occasionally write and record stuff including my Randy Newman/Billy Joel influenced song "Hit Single" which was about my opinion of music ("The formula is simple and easy to repeat/Find a catchy chorus and lyrics at are kinda unique/Then you tour up and down the USA/Find Yourself an Agent and then Get Radio Play/Have a single and tour around the globe/Packing arenas and the media wants to know/your inspiration, why's the single so hot/but when you can't write a follow-up you know that you're gonna get dropped"). But no one noticed... Hit Single never became a Hit Single. My friend informed me that he was doing a talk show on Blog Talk Radio so I decided to do a talk show as well and named it the Saint Mort Show.

Under the Saint Mort Show -call in radio show I desperately wanted to be Kidd Chris. I wanted to be a shock jock radio DJ and was forcing it quite unentertainingly meanwhile my friend Graham's natural offensiveness was the true star of the show (the 12 episode run is available on iTunes). Last Spring I was bit by the Podcasting bug again. I started putting together and my plan was to honest multiple podcasts including The Saint Mort Show. In my new version it was basically a mixture of the Pod F Thompkast, The Nerdist and WTF with Marc Maron. If you listen to the episodes you can slightly hear this influence but when I was watching Conan I got the idea to get 3 guests instead of one and do it like a talk show, I knew I had something interested and was able to convince Jonathan London to give me a shot.

So is Saint Mort a character? I honestly don't know anymore. I think it's just my own personality amped up, but who knows. Thank you for your support so far reading my blog, following my twitter account and listening to my show. I love hearing feedback on the show (even bad feedback if it's tactful and helpful). Do to advice sent to me after episode 1 I think Episode 2 (coming this Saturday) is a tighter and far superior show and it wouldn't have been possible without my awesome listeners and they're openness to give me feedback!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Saint of the Union Address

So it's nearing my first week of being a podcasting Superstar. I've got a bunch of great guests lined up, but I've got even bigger fish in my sights. I promise that I will create a better podcast every other week. I will make it stronger, tighter and funnier. For this year's Saint of the Union Address I'd like to publicly call out the people who I wish to have as guests on my show.

1) mc chris. - my love of mc chris was well documented this past year. I'd love to talk to him about the music industry and being an independent rapper/animator

2) Brad Neely - Brad Neely is creator behind the George Washington Rap as well as "Dear Readers, Wizard People" without a doubt the most brilliant 2 and a half hours you'd ever spend listening to.

3) Brian Lynch - Brian Lynch is the creator of Everybody's Dead the greatest comic of all time, he's also the writer of the Angel and Spike comics and this April his movie Hop will be coming out.

4) Jason Mewes - the star of the View Askew-iverse movies and co-host of Jay and Silent Bob Grow Old Podcast. Mewes has proven himself to be more than just a witty stoner character in the last 5 years. His upcoming movie Zombie Hamlet sounds amazing and I'd love to sit down and talk to him about it.

5) Gregg Bishop - Gregg is the creator if the insanely brilliant Dance of the Dead

6) The Whomping Willows - personally, my favorite wizard rock band. I'd love to talk to Whompy about his latest albums Demons at the Helm and Wizard Rock Forever about why the differ from other wizard rock groups

7) Doug Benson - Doug is a brilliantly unique comedian , but more importantly the host of Doug Loves Movies. I'd love to go head to head against him in a game of Leonard Maltin Game

8) Kate Micucci - Micucci is a cute and funny comedian/actress but it's her music that makes her incredible. If you don't believe me just listen to the incredibly catchy Mr. Moon

9) Chris Hardwick - The 2nd half of Hard & Phirm and host of the Nerdist podcast, Hardwick is without a doubt the most popular nerd in the world right now.

10) Jerry Holkins & Mike Krahulik of Penny Arcade - The creators of the amazing web-comic Penny Arcade, Jerry & Mike have turned a comic making past-time into an empire of conventions and video games.

If you have any connections to this people, please spread this news to them! If they're interested than they can contact me at

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Steak, Saint Mort and Shit!

About Two Weeks Ago I posted my new updated Bucket List. I'm proud to announce that Last Weekend I had my Steak Night with Matt Voigt so #1 on the list is now taken care of. We went to Applebees and then saw Green Hornet 3D. It was a delightful Man-Date.

This weekend I had a second Man-Date with friend Ed Gusler. We went to Habitchis and then saw No Strings Attached which was leaps and bounds funnier than I ever expected it to be. But the biggest news of last night was the Premiere of the Saint Mort Show! So check out episode 1 Mustaches & Pro-Wrestlers featuring George Hardy (Troll 2, Best Worst Movie), Tommy Avallone (Double Windsor Pictures) and a musical performance from Team Goldie. If you enjoy it and want constant updates about who I'm interviewing next then you should join my Facebook Group or follow me on Twitter.

In other news, I'm not looking forward to work this week, but this weekend is the 10th Kingdom marathon which also appears as #10 on my bucket list. This would mean that in January I'd have crossed off 2 of my 15 goals. If I continue at this pace I will... fail to do at least 5 things before I leave in July... so I need to kick it up a notch.

Monday, January 17, 2011

"I Wanna Date Matt Kelly 101" - The Syllabus

So you want to date Matt Kelly? Well get in line! Everyone wants to date a blogging/podcasting Humorist like Matt Kelly. A dating Matt Kelly career has been growing and getting more competitive each year (aka more and more guys are getting married and people are being left with fewer options... mainly date Matt Kelly or go Lez). While this career is a very selective one, with "I Wanna Date Matt Kelly 101" we'll be able to help you succeed in your goals and future career.

Classes are Tuesday and Thursday at 6pm. However as long as a girl shows up Matt Kelly will be happy. You could show up Friday at 11:45 and he'd act as if Christmas came twice. He's a very easy to please man. The class will be broken into 3 pop-culture sections with additional required reading attached.

1) Television Shows
you will watch select episodes of Scrubs, That 70's Show and How I Met Your Mother. Matt claims that these are the only TV shows where he was able to truly related to their main characters. Based on the fact that all three of these characters have had various girlfriends and very active sex lives leads us to believe Matt is quite delusional.

REQUIRED READING: Superstud: or how I became a 24 year old virgin by Paul Feig - Now Matt Kelly may not be a 24-year old virgin, but Paul's very honest and blunt sexual blunders and inability to understand sex AT ALL is a much better understanding of the real Matt Kelly.

2) Movies
We will be watching the five movies Matt Kelly refers to as his all-time favorites. Clerks, Garden State, Harold & Maude, The Muppet Movie and Say Anything.... While at least two of these movies are in no way romance films, you'll get introduction to the type of sappy, pretenious or lame movies that he will subject you to in this relationship. Shit talk the movies you want, but if you dislike The Muppet Movie or Harold & Maude you can kiss this relationship goodbye.

REQUIRED READING: Sex, Drugs & Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman - Matt likes to consider himself a humorist and satirist like he's favorite writer Chuck Klosterman. You won't be so lucky to be with someone as witty as Klosterman; but you will be with someone who also considers John Cusack the reason he's still single.

3) Music
We'll listen to select songs that Matt considers the most beautiful songs ever written up-to and including Colin Hay's "I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You", Dire Straits "Romeo & Juliet' and Louie Armstrongs "Dream a LIttle Dream".

REQUIRED READING: High Fidelity by Nick Hornby - This music obsessed novel about a record store owner unlucky in love is pretty much perfect way to see inside Matt's over-thinking and pop culture obsessed options of love. In one part a character decides to create a list of questions in order to determine what girls are date-able. While this is generally considered it's a terrible idea even among the characters in the book, he thought it was brilliant. He only got one date with that particular girl... yes he's an idiot.

If you make throw all this and STILL want to pursue your career goal of dating Matt Kelly... then you have failed.

Sunday, January 16, 2011


There is nothing that makes me feel more awkward than when I know someone's gay before I meet them for the first time. It's even worse when I'm told like this "(insert name) is gay by the way; but he's not out of the closet yet... so don't say anything". This has nothing to do with the person being gay, or me being homophobic. I'm not homophobic at all, in fact at this point in my life I think the numbers have swayed to the point where I have more gay friends than straight friends. But with practically all those situations I was friends with them first and while I suspected a few, I didn't get an official word until they told me. At that point they knew me well enough that I didn't worry about embarrassing myself. What it comes down to is this.

I can sometimes say some off-color or semi-offensive things. I always say these completely tongue-in-cheek. When I say it amongst my friends they understand these things. HOWEVER the worst feeling in the world for me is unsetting/offending someone. So when the scenario I previously mentioned occurs, I become SO focused on not saying "the wrong thing" that I say next to nothing. In retrospect... it probably makes me seem more homophobic than anything else.

Other times I may meet a new gay friend and part of my brain goes "oh you should introduce him to (blank), (blank) and (blank)". But why? Just because they're gay? What do they need to form sometime of Warriors-like gang? It's absolutely absurd for me to assume they should automatically be friends, it'd be like one of my gay friends thinking they found my future wife because she also wears glasses.

I know this is a round about way to saying it but I don't think it was right for Canada to edit the word faggot from the Dire Strits song "Money For Nothing/Chicks For Free". I love that song

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Snap, Crackle, Pop Culture

The following article was written for For unfortunate reasons, the website feels like since it's been 2011 for over 11 days no one is interested in top 10 lists. The boat has sailed for this final instance of remembering 2010. I think it's a pretty great article (although how do you not like something you wrote? It feels like if you do, you shouldn't be writing at all). Also check out my review for hair-metal band The Scorpions newest (and final) album Sting in the Tail.

So 2010 has officially come to a close. So far 2011 is barely peaking the horizon but let’s be honest… it looks promising. 2010 (much like every year) had it’s ups and it’s downs. We saw some serious tragedy this year with January 12th 7.0 Earthquake that devastated Haiti, and we saw even more tragedy when a group of musicians decided to remake the mediocre 80’s song “We Are The World” to help raise money for said-Haiti disaster. This year we’ve even dealt with the Wikileaks scare when an online publisher did with internal reports on the “War on Afghanistan” what Facebook does to all of our lives. And while all these things are important, that’s not what Geekscape is about. Why talk about government information being released this year when we’d much rather discuss what was more offensive at the 2010 MTV VMAs…’s blackface or Lady Gaga winning every award (um… I mean… her Meat Dress).

So for you lovely Geekscapists I have compiled a list of the Top 10 Greatest Moments in Pop Culture

10. Double Rainbow, Possibly Triple Rainbow – When nature enthusiasts Paul Vasquez went camping one day he saw in the sky something amazing. Something so amazing he grabbed the nearest camera and quickly videotaped it to show the world the amazing Double Rainbow. Soon Paul found himself one of the top videos on youtube and being interviewed by Jimmy Kimmel. I can understand being excited about stuff, but rainbows? I mean I stopped being excited by rainbows when I learned I could make them myself using a hose.

9. Sandra Bullock wins Oscar and Razzie – Sandra Bullock did something this year no one has ever done before, she managed to win the Oscar for The Blind Side as well as the Razzie for All About Steve the same year. This event did two things; it showed the Sandra Bullock will apparently act in anything but also it showed that Bullock has a sense of humor when she showed up at the Razzies handing out free copies of All About Steve.

8. Myspace is Dead Long Live Facebook – This month Myspace and Facebook made a joint announcement. Myspace is now just a “Music Site” and no longer a “Social Network”. It really shows how quickly you can go from the top to the bottom in the world of the internet.

7. Fucking Magnets – When Insane Clown Posse released their single Miracles, I don’t think Violent J or Shaggy 2 Dope expected the entire world to cling to six simple lyrics “Fucking Magnets, How Do They Work?”. Next thing we know there are SNL parodies and internet memes all over explaining Magnets; the best comes (not surprisingly) from with their Science book for Juggalos

6. Fuck you by Cee-Lo Greene – Rapper and Gnarl’s Barkley singer came out of nowhere with his single Fuck You (or Forget You if you’re a fucking pussy). The vulgar but catchy Motown throw-back track was an instant internet hit receiving not one but two music videos and bringing Cee-Lo Greene into a much needed lime-light. The Song has even been covered multiple times ranging from great (William Shatner) to the terrible (Glee)

5. Every Comedian in the World Gets a Podcast – The World of Podcasting always was a decent place for Comedy with Scott Aukerman’s Comedy Death Ray, Doug Benson’s Doug Loves Movies and Jim Pardo’s Never Not Funny, but this year it felt like every Comedian on the planet got their own podcasts with WTF with Marc Maron, The Nerdist With Chris Hardwick and Pod F Thomkast with Paul F Thompkins to name a few. Even Geekscapes own Brian Walton has his own podcast now with Live Nude Geeks

4. Conan leaves and returns to television – In Early 2010 Conan did his last Tonight Show after just 7 months of being the host. Unjust? Possibly. But it gave us a heart-felt goodbye (“if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen”) followed by a new show on TBS that is ten-times funnier and edger than his NBC days. Conan is an extremely talented interviewer and seems like a great guy, some people (Corey Roberts) think people are giving him too much credit, but sometimes it’s just nice to see the nice guy end up on top.

3. Muppets Make a Comeback – The Muppets for a while were the Kings of TV. But back in 1990 when Muppet creator Jim Henson sadly and suddenly passed away. By 2000 the Muppets were nothing but low-budget TV-movie characters. However thanks to youtube the Muppets have been making a comeback in a BIG way. Also this year it was announced there would be a new Muppet movie, which is coming out next Thanksgiving, a Muppet-aholic like myself is completely overjoyed.

2. Geekscape gets a booth at San Diego Comic Con and new site – Okay, yeah call me lame. Sure this wasn’t something that changed the world this year; but for this community it’s something huge. Not only did we get a new and impressive website; we got a booth at San Diego comic con where we were able to reach multiple new listeners and users. Not to mention we caused some controversy with Evan Stone’s Riddler signing autographs; but luckily someone stabbed someone else in the eye and took the attention off of us.

1.Bed-Intruder Song – “He’s climbing in your window and snatching your people up, so hide your kids, hide your wife and hide your husband because they’re raping everyone around here”. One simple heart-felt comment by a brother sincerely concerned about his sister’s well being ended up leading to a hit single that caught the entire nations ear. This song is one of the catchiest songs I’ve heard in years and it’s simply a news-report in auto-tune.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Bucket List Part 2 (2011 Edition)

So back in September I posted my "Bucket List" before I moved to LA which I called the Bucket List 2010. At the time i expected to be in Los Angeles by now. However various things have forced me to push my move back until July. So I've decided to post a new Bucket List featuring some of the old Lists goals as well as some newer ones.

1. Have Steak Night with Matt Voigt
2. Game Night with Den & Char
3. A SECOND Risk Night with whoever wants to come
4. Get looking like a website
5. Release "Musicians Celebrate Jim Henson"
6. Finish "Fluffy the Zombie Slayer"
7. Have another Mountain House trip with my Friends
8. Visit Jackie DeSalvo in Baltimore
9. Throw one last concert with all my favorite local bands and myself playing (ideal line: We Are, Punchy's Pilots, Racing Kites Reunion, Team Goldie, Nitty Gritty, Roots in Stereo and ME!)
10. Have a 10th Kingdom Day (where friends and I will watch the 8 hour mini-series masterpiece 10th Kingdom)
11. Have a Poker Night
12. Go to THON
13. Have a Friday the 13th Marathon (on May 13th)
14. Write a new draft of "Describing the Moon" (my passion project script)
15. Have sex with every female I've ever met on the east coast

Okay now that list is done; check out a new geekscape article of mine where I discuss what DVDs came out in the month of January.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Top 10 Movies from 10 Years Ago

Today Geekscape released their lists of the Top 10 Movies of 2010, so much like the other day with my top 10 Albums from 10 Years ago and my list from Last Year of top 10 movies from 1999. Tonight I'm Presenting you with...

TOP 10 MOVIES OF 2000:

10. Snatch

I remember the first time I watched Snatch was in college (apparently roughly the same time A LOT of people watched Snatch for the first time). I enjoyed it’s bizarre blend of humor and violence. However the movie wasn’t and never will be as good as Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

9. Emperor’s New Groove

Most people don’t like this movie very much; but this is one of my favorite Disney cartoons of all time (along with Jungle Book and A Goofy Movie). It’s got a quick sense of humor including a constant breaking of the 4th wall. All the voice acting in this is top quality and the writing is much more stylish than most Disney cartoons.

8. Almost Famous

Cameron Crowe’s semi-autobiographical film about a high school student who lies his way onto a tour bus. Great music, great acting and real heart-felt moments. Cameron Crowe has yet to make a bad movie as far as I’m concerned (yes I even liked Elizabethtown and personally find it greatly under-appreciated)

7. Best in Show

Christopher Guest is the king of the mockumentary and this is his Masterpiece; it’s quite possibly the best Mockumentary since This is Spinal Tap. Each character is surreal without being completely unbelievable and outrageous without being unlikable. As in most of Guest’s films Eugue Levy and Catherine O’Hara steal the show.

6. Ginger Snaps

I love Werewolf movies, I love them so much that I own SIX of the Howling Movies which is roughly five more than necessary (although I’ll defend 3 or 4 if I have to). Ginger Snaps is one of the best Werewolf movies ever made (in good company with the Original Howling and American Werewolf in London). The subtle metaphor of Lycanthropy and menstruation cycles is a creative and interesting twist on the century-old legend.

5. Memento

One of the new decade’s best mind-fuck movies. The out-of-sequence storyline keeps the viewer glued to the movie. Christopher Nolan has made nothing but great movies throughout his career but Memento will always be my favorite. My favorite memory of the movie was when I was in high school I leant it to a friend Sarah. She watched it while home with the flu and said “I liked it, but I kept falling asleep. I had to watch it three times before I totally understood what happened”. Perfect summary.

4. High Fidelity

High Fidelity is my second favorite book of all time. I’ve heard a lot of people shit on this adaptation but I think it’s wonderful. It works so well and you barely notice or care about the change of location and all-round Americanizing. The film still heavily uses the books dialogue which is the key-element to it’s enjoyability. This was also the first movie to make me see Jack Black as more than just a Chris Farley wanna-be.

3. Cecil B. Demented

John Water’s best post-Divine film without competition. It’s dark and deranged without going as far as Water’s past work. Everyone plays their part perfectly (that is to say completely over the top). It’s possibly the ultimate love-letter to independent film.

2. Shadow of the Vampire

History, Horror and Urban Legends blend together perfectly in this delightful film. Basing a movies premise on a known urban legend was creative idea and it works so well it’s frightening. Not only do we get a behind the scenes look at the silent film era, but we get to entertain the idea of “What if Max Schreck wasn’t just pretending to be a Vampire”. William Defeo and John Malkovich act their asses off in this fun and underappreciated horror film.

1. American Psycho

Pseudo-Horror mixed with psychology character study and satirical comedy is the best way to describe this genre-blending film. It’s dark, it’s funny, it’s bizarre and it’s perfectly acted. No I don’t have a man-crush on William Defeo… he was just kicking some serious ass in 2000. I’ve never been able to watch any Christian Bale performance and not picture him talking, laughing and crying at the exact same time while making a confession of his murder spree over the phone.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

I'm a Collector For Real Now

So 2011 is starting off awesomely. For Starters after two years of buying comic books I have purchased something that can is a collectors item, for the first time I'm a collector.

Furthermore a bunch of my top 10 lists have been posted on Geekscape including my Top 10 Comics of the year as well as the Top 10 Games for 2010 which has been well-recieved on reddit which totally made my January 1st, 2011